In Their Gifts

The phone rang this morning, as we were about to sit down to eat breakfast.

I picked it up, still wearing my pajamas mid-morning, and saw that it was her number.

Thinking frantically, I don't think that I have to work today... do I?, I answered the phone and heard him speak.

"She just wanted to call you and to talk to you. I don't know if she'll say anything, because she often has the idea but won't talk when the time comes. Here you go!"

And I heard the shuffle of switching the phone into the hands of one who is physically uncoordinated and heard her breathing in and out.

"Hey, monkey!"

She giggles.

And then she starts off with the exchange that summarizes many of our walks together: "Ma-ma!"

To which I respond: "Ba-by!"

"Huuuu-ah"

I copy her and we both laugh.

This one that cannot speak as freely as I do, this one that cannot move as quickly as I can... this is her way of saying, "I love you."

And as this goes back and forth between us a few times, I am so thankful that I have her. That He gave me her.

Thankful that she needs her "Rose fix" some days, and that she feels so loved by me. And in return, I feel so loved by her.

Not a single worry in the world will refuse to fade when she hugs tight and we stand there, her head nestled close, and my chin on top of her head. 

She is such a gift.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

It's the day before my birthday, today. 

And my parents took me out for tea and dessert as part of an early birthday present, to talk and to spend quality time together.

Then, in the middle of our discussions about next year, what my year has been like, and anything and everything, my father pulls this out of his pocket. 

 

And its velvet shone as I waited until they gave me the go-ahead to open it. 

And it sits there, all rosy and golden in the sunlight, and I hug tightly these parents that have guided me through almost-seventeen years of life. 

It isn't a purity ring... rather, it is an acknowledgement of how they have held my heart up until now and want to be involved in the process of choosing, when the time comes, when to give it away, and to whom.

And it speaks to me of the love that these two bestest-ever-people have showered into my life, of the regard that they have for who I have become, and their desire for the best to come my way. 

It's more than just a ring... it's a gift of the greatest kind, because it's more than just material.... it's an understanding and a trust.

And I'm so thankful for the gift of people that He continues to bring into my life... including you!

Something in the Air

I biked home from school today, pushed ever onward by the twirl of wind around me. Leaves raced along the tires, tumbling and swirling. I breathed deep and took a quick second breath. There was something different in the air. Something....

It's fallen into autumn now. I wore my sweater all day at school, and for the first time since the beginning of school I wore tennis shoes. The air was chilly, and I rode to school wishing for gloves. But it was overcast... not a sign of this bright glory to come. But on my way back it reminded me of something...

I feel so busy these days. So full of things to do, meetings to make and to maintain, things to prepare for, not to mention my "normal" life. But the "something" in the air today reminded me of days past. Days in which I could take my leisurely time and would feel like spinning among the leaves and joining their autumn dance. Days when I was young, when homework was only something rumored about by highschoolers. Days when there was a crisp, lively, vitality to life.

Memories of school days past. First day impressions, making friends you hope will last. Bringing out the winter clothes, putting summer things away. Why don't I feel that "something" every day?

Okay, enough with the rhyming, but seriously... I've kind of lost sight of the spark that is living and imagining in this downpour of homework... and I want to recapture that "something." To stop and smell the roses once in awhile... to be vibrantly alive.

Leap

I held the phone, studying the numbers on the screen. It was an easy link to something that excited me and yet scared me to my very depths. I dialed the first number and got an answering machine, which only served to dampen my spirits even more. Closing my eyes, I talked: Oh, Father.. is this of You? Do you want me to do this? I'm so, so, so incredibly scared. Of what, I'm not really sure. Failure? Hurt pride? Help me! Finally, encouraging myself with thoughts like All she can say is no, and It doesn't hurt to try... I leaped.

Immediately when she picked up, I was scared. But her breezy, "Hello... what can I do for you?" made opening the conversation easier.

"Umm... I was talking to a friend while helping out at Nursery and she said that you might have some aide work for me to do...", etc. And that's where it all came together. She was enthusiastic, she had needed someone badly, and now was just perfect. We arranged a meeting time and as soon as I put down the phone, I was doing a major happy dance along with the words "Hallelujah, grace like rain!"

The meeting was okay. Wasn't easy-breezy, but that's not the way I expected it to be (although I hoped). There were no complaints, just a totally new playing field that I had never had to deal with before. A new person to love, a new place to get to know. I find it incredibly special that I have gotten to work with some of the ones that He holds close to His heart. I see a constant reflection of Him, His ways, and all that He is, in them. They have hearts like a child, and I pray that I might become like them.

I am still scared. Scared to my core. Scared of what might happen; what will happen. Scared of not doing enough.. of not fulfilling all that I know I am capable of... of not giving and loving with all that I am. Scared of not letting Him work His way in me in this situation.

And yet, I am so ecstatic! The way that He has provided.. filling up this week with things to occupy, challenge and provide me. I love that He loves to surprise and delight me. He loves to finish off with a bang... especially when I trust Him (or attempt to).

P.S. Since she has other aides with similar names to mine, guess what I get called? Rose!!! :D

Waiting

I tacked it up there just a few days ago... that paper torn out of a coloring book. The edge ragged, the colors pre-painted on so that even the most unskilled child could create a masterpiece. Belle and the newly changed Beast-to-prince dancing with a rose above their heads. Their smiles, the evident "ever-after" feeling of the picture always makes me smile. It hangs there on the wall... right beside the little card that is headed "True Love Waits." I couldn't think of anywhere else to put it... but after awhile, there seemed a home for it right there.

I find it hard. My heart goes to so many over the course of time. Attaching to some hope and feelings, others a pedestal that was never there. My heart gets bruised, but it's only my own fault, I know. And yet, as I look in the mirror every morning, my eyes are drawn to that card and to that picture. True love not only waits to share itself physically, but mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and that is something I have to work on.

Waiting is not something I like to do. I want the answers now, and I want them to be what I expected. But what I find my eyes drawn to the most is the rose. Some know, others don't, the importance of a rose to me. A rose means the very deepest, most romantic, most intimate part of me. It's my middle name. Although I love the flower because I am associated with it, I love it for other things. The way that it smells, for one. The deep, lingering, sweetness that is evident to anyone even anywhere near a rose. The way the color shifts in different parts of the flower, going from deep to light, to deep again. The variety in the flower... one to suit every mood.

Someday, he'll come. Hopefully sweep me off my feet... the shy romantic that I am. He'll pursue and woo. Show himself to be a man of godly character who loves kids and missions. He'll take the time to uncover all that I am.. every shifting shade, every color, every scent.

But until that day... I wait.