WLBC 2012

I opened up my journal a few days ago, and two pieces of paper fell out. One orange and one yellow. The orange one drew my attention and my memory zoomed back to one of the last nights of Teen Camp. We were seated in a circle and one side of the paper we wrote things about ourselves that we didn't really like. Then, on the other side, we wrote our names on the top and then started passing them around the circle writing encouraging things/things we admired about them on each person's respective piece of paper. And as I read through what the other girls had written about me, the shivers went up and down my back.

It was if He was whispering in my ear, "See? See what I can do. You just had to let go." Not saying that I did let go to the extent that I should've, but He definitely taught me a lot about being transparent and letting His words flow through me.

On one side were my faults, on the other, the things that He had given me. It was if everything that I worried about was fulfilled and confirmed in Him.

For my fear of my gifts, there was "The passion I can sense in your very being when you talk about serving those less able or less fortunate than you."

For my weakness, there was "you are so strong on the inside out," and "your strength," and "You are comfortable being you and not afraid to stand up for what you believe in."

For my fear that my past wouldn't connect, there was "Your story is very inspiring."

For my weakness of public speaking, there was "You have a great way of explaining things," and "I loved your devotions and how powerful every message was. They all really made me think and hit my heart. You are so clear when you speak and you get every point across so well and I love it."

For my fear of not being able to connect to the girls, there was "You are really easy to talk to and you have such a warm, kind heart, I felt so accepted the moment I met you."

Let all the emphasis be on my fears. Let all the glory go towards a God who chose to make Himself shown to others through my very presence.

And I went, longing to be shown how to be a vessel that He could use. And He promptly showed me. I think that it can be summed up in this recent *blog post*. I learned better how to be that suit of clothes that is worn by Jesus Christ.

Leading up to Camp, I was worried about many things. Worried about the length of time and whether I could stand it that long and not get uber stressed.  Worried about being a Sr. Counselor and the responsibilities that come with it. Worried about not having all the answers. Once I got over slapping myself over that last one, I worried that I wouldn't be transparent enough for Him to do His work through me. That I would end up blocking Him, thinking that I could do it better {as if... hah!}.

All of these feeling culminated in *this blog post*. {By the way, if you don't know, all phrases that are starred normally lead to links... unless I'm having a bad day and find unmitigated joy in thinking about all of you clicking away at a supposed link in frustration.}

There's so much that I could write, but I'll keep it down to a couple of the biggest things that I learned during those five weeks.

1. You'll Get What You Ask For

"With everything that's around and everybody that's here, it's sometimes hard to remember what we're here for. And what we're here for is to share with these children the story of Your love. Help that story to come alive to me and that the joy of Your salvation would overflow from me into the kids."

These words, written at the very beginning of Squirt Camp were actually the biggest thing that I learned through Camp this entire summer. So often during the day-in and day-out life of a Christian, we forget what our foundation is built on. The crazy love captured in the sacrifice of a perfect God for His sinless creations is lost on us. I think God was already preparing me for what He was going to crash-course me on when He prompted me to borrow Crazy Love by John Piper from a friend the month before Camp.

And throughout the summer, an understanding of that love became more and more real. As the outer facade of everyday Christianity was stripped away and the basics were given to kids each week, it could've become boring each week. Although the lead up might have gotten a tad dry at times, salvation night became my favourite night of each week. And each time I presented that message of crazy, unbelievable love from the Creator of everything that is, love so great that He would rather see His Son crushed than be forced to stay away from us because of our sin, I was overwhelmed.

And as I spoke, an unforeseen passion would rise in my throat as I would look into each one of my girl's eyes and see if they understood. If they understood, even though we cannot totally fathom, this incredible love of God's towards us, frail human beings. To try and impress upon them the importance of accepting that sort of pursuing, sacrificing love.

It was incredible. He answered my simple prayer with a renewing of what it means to be saved. Although the every day builds upon that, it was so overwhelming to go back to what life was about, much less Bible Camp.

And again, He was working behind the scenes, causing me to read through 1 John for much of the 5 weeks during which Camp took place. And one verse, in Chapter 4, really stuck out to me.

"This is real love -- not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." (1 John 4:10, NLT)

Even now, it's easy for me to gloss over that. But that is the crux, the very essence, of what our faith is based on. We didn't love God. But, oh, did He love us. And because He did, we now have a chance to be with Him again.

2. He Uses Me No Matter Where I Am

Many of you know that I love working with my Monkey, and if you somehow still don't know who she is, go *here*. And I have often felt that my future path will most likely pursue one of two paths {or maybe, somehow, both??}. One, with children, so either education or nannying, etc. The second, working with "disabled" people.

And at Camp, I didn't think that I would get the chance to work with people like that. But there was one week, one fateful week when there was more than enough "problem" people. And in my Bible Mem. group, there was this one girl. One who was up and down, taking an insane amount of pills, the kind to sit in a corner.

It must have been the second or third day when she still hadn't memorized John 3:16, that I went over to where she was sitting and suggested that we work on it one on one. It took a bit of persuading (after all, who likes asking for help?) but eventually we started working on it together. I divided the verse into sections, had her repeat after me, and then try and say it, then add the next section, etc.

After awhile, I could tell that her attention was wandering because of all the other kids that were in the chapel also memorizing, muttering words under their breath, some walking around and some doing actions. So I suggested that we go outside and sit on the bench that was directly in front of the Chapel. We went out there and continued to work on it. And when she was able to recite John 3:16 just before the bell for supper went, I don't know if I've felt a sweeter victory. To see that light in her eyes as I told her over and over again, "You're doing great! Everyone can memorize, sometimes it just takes a little longer, that's all. Let's try it again. Think you can say the first two parts to me?"

As written about in *this blog post*, I love... love, love, love hanging out with people like her. To get to know them and how they tick, to make them laugh by acting silly, by speaking words to encourage them and to keep them going, to believe that they are so much more than a label, to know that He has perhaps made them the closest to His heart  out of all those living upon this earth.

And I had the same opportunity another week (I don't know which one), where it was a little boy who just needed some one-on-one time and encouragement. Although some of the other counselors looked at me a little weirdly when I told them that Bible Mem. was possibly my favourite time during the day. Something about encouraging people, making them see that I cared, was so cool. And He knew what He was doing, and it was SO encouraging to see my gifts confirmed in a different situation than just at home.

I also loved serving in the food lines. To whip out that apron and to slide my hands into those way too big gloves and to catch up with people's days. Yes, I was serving food, but I was laughing at and with them. I got to know everybody's names, with some of them, we had a constant joke as they went through the line meal to meal. Others, I made faces at, still others I persuaded to take some vegetables, calling the wrath of all mothers on the earth upon them. I had fun with it.

And although I go a little more extroverted than maybe I am naturally, I had so much fun getting to know these kids. To put myself out there, and to find that they connected and wanted to get to know me back, was the best thing of all.

3. He Works Through Weaknesses

Often since getting back, or even during Camp, people have asked me what my favourite week was. And at first, I didn't know what quite to say...

But then I remembered one moment. Once shining, overwhelming, glorious moment that made my summer all worth it. It was the day after salvation night and on our way into supper, one of my campers came up to me and asked, "Hey, can I talk to you after supper?" I replied with, "For sure!" and then totally forgot about it.

I was headed back to our cabin after supper when she caught up with me again. "So... can I talk to you now?"

"Oh, for sure. I'm sorry, I forgot!"

"That's all right. Well... you know how last night you were saying that if anyone wanted to ask Jesus into our hearts, we could come and talk to you or K? That's what I want to do... I want to ask Jesus into my heart."

So we went down near the stage, sat on one of the benches and as I went through the basics, making sure that she understood what all asking Jesus into one's heart means/entails, an interesting story came out. A story that challenged me.

She had come to Camp last year, but had left feeling unsure what asking Jesus into her heart meant. But she had made herself a promise after last year. A promise that if she came back this year, she would make sure to ask, because she had to know. She wanted to ask Jesus into her heart, but didn't know how.

That tenacity and courage blew me away. She was 11 years old. She could've easily forgotten about such a promise to herself, especially when coming back to different counselors, etc. But she didn't. She wanted to know.

And so down there, on those benches, we prayed. And she became one of His own that night. And I told her that the angels were having the biggest party EVER. And she smiled... "Really?" she asked.

That night during devos, we were just finishing snack when she asked me softly, "Can I tell everyone what I did?" That again, blew me away. Not only had she just become a Christian, but she was the youngest person in the cabin and had struggled a bit with fitting in with all the other girls who were a grad above her. And she wanted to tell them. To let them know. She had no fear.

It was if He was telling me, "Don't underestimate me. You have no idea what kind of plans I have for her life. I will do amazing things through her. Isn't this what true faith looks like?"

Somehow we also got on the topic of baptism, and infant baptism versus baptism at an older age. She had been baptized as a baby, but once we had told them about how the whole purpose was to make a choice and to declare it in front of a large group, she told me later, "I'm going to ask my parents if I can get baptized when I get home. I want to make that choice."

That week was my hardest. It started with an overpowering fear of these girls. They were just starting to get to the age where they have personalities. Divas, quite ones, etc. And I don't get along well with divas. I don't know how to connect. And there was one in my cabin, and it took awhile for me to get used to that. She would say something, and the others wouldn't contradict, no matter how wrong she was.

Although my youngest camper's salvation was the one that excited me the most, three other campers in my cabin of seven also prayed to accept Jesus. Some seemed less genuine than others, but a huge breakthrough was made in this cabin that I didn't think I could handle.

Also, that week was the first week that I was called upon to teach Bible. And that scared me spitless. Engaging 10-12 kids for 45 minutes and trying to get points across is not that easy. Plus, what if they ask questions that I can't answer?

But day by day, I got through it, and although it was never my favourite time of the day, it became not that bad. He taught me a lot about how I tick, and how to connect with kids, and how to tell His message in a relevant way.

And in that week of my greatest weakness, He showed His strength.

4. He Knows What He's Doing

As I wrote at the beginning, there's so much more that I could write. I could write a day-by-day run-down, but that would get slightly repetitive and boring and long to read. But as I look at this ziploc bag in front of me and everything that's inside, my mind goes back.

There are sheets from questionnaires, cabin pictures (included one specific cabin picture... balloon animals anyone?), a letter written by one of my cabin girls to someone released from human trafficking that I have yet to send, cabin lists, telephone pictionary sheets, the encouraging notes from my girls from week to week, camp schedules (with bedtimes getting later and later as the weeks progress), the script for Rindercella and the Pransome Hince (talent night cabin performance for Teen week), Bible lesson sheets, bed name tags from different weeks, a bracelet from one of my girls, and a picture of me kissing a puppet.

All these memories from the campers that I won't forget.

And then there is the movie ticket stub for Brave, the wrist band from the Lloyd fair, SPP notes and  notes from friends. These are memories of times with counselors on weekends when we just got to relax, of encouragement during the weeks, of praying for each other, and inside jokes. Of friendships formed, secrets confided and fears confronted.

It's crazy to think that I would've not spent my summer at Camp. But earlier this year, I wasn't sure. Now, I wouldn't have changed it for anything. He taught me some incredible things while there, about what life looks like lived passionately for Him, about putting myself out there and getting out of my comfort zone, about my gifts, about His strength and my weakness, about friendship, about mentoring, and most of all, that He knows what He's doing in my life.