Day 8: Formando Vidas

Journal Entry:
(YWAM compound)
In the afternoon, we went to the YWAM compound. E B was there and we spent time playing with the kids, hearing some of their stories and knowing that any trouble that I go through is so much less than theirs, and eating hamburgers for supper. When S got home, we all gathered around and he told us about their street kids' rehabilitation program. What shone through was his willingness to do everything and anything You told him to do (and he continues to do so today).

The thing that really challenged me was how the whole purpose of his life changed after he was willing to give everything up. I've tried to do that again and again, but I always hang on so tightly to some small part. Honestly, I'm scared to think of what You could and would do in my life if I let You have full control. My ideas and knowledge are so limited to my personal knowledge sphere.

Help me to lay down everything, knowing that You want everything for my good and that You will multiply my wildest dreams into something I can't even imagine. Help me to daily lay down myself and to let go, knowing that You are unchanging and good.

(YWAM school)

Well, You definitely showed me a lot of things today. We taught at the YWAM school which was cool because it catered to street kids and so had a different teaching style. The class sizes were from 3-6, and it was fun working more one-on-one than ever before.

These kids have amazing potential and I'm so glad that You're working in that way to bring kids to You to break the generational cycle.

(The Jungle)

It is an amazing place! Although the different stations are set up from whatever they have, it looks like something any little kid would enjoy. I volunteered to stay at the foosball tables along with whoever else wasn't busy at another station. These kids had never been there before and the joy in their eyes as they went through all the different stations and played to their heart's content, was gladdening to see. It's sad to think that these kids haven't been able to come before because their area is controlled by a guy who says what they can or cannot do.

After a while of playing, everyone sat down and we helped to serve their snack. Then, with the help of some laminated pictures, some of the kids told the story of blood, sacrifice, and sin that started at Genesis and led up to the death of Jesus. Although there's so much that has gone on in their lives, it amazed me to see how much truth can be put into one child's life. Even though it's hard, there is a pastor working among these children, planting seeds that could very well cause a large harvest to be reaped later on. I need to determine to do that in my own life - to do what may seem little, praying that it may grow large in Your hands.

While the kids played for a few more minutes, we hopped into S B's van and toured the region nearby to give us an idea of where the usual kids who come to play come from. Just a few streets up, there was a region that was testament to how much Your love is needed in this city.

I don't know that it must have felt like to be a guy at that moment, because to be a girl was hard enough. To think of these girls, who are being shown daily that "love" can be bought and that they are only useful as toys, makes me cringe. They have no idea of Your love for them, no idea of the beautiful soul that You created within them to be realized, no idea of a Hope beyond what they see every day. What did I do that I am privileged enough to have been born into a Christian family, to live in Canada, to go to the school that I do, and every other thing that I have been blessed with. Why them in this predicament and not me? I am once again glad that You promise them a future and a hope. 

Prayer is essential for wisdom and strength in all these facets of ministry. The cycle of destruction that they are endeavoring to break is powerful. Pray that if delivered that they would not be sucked in later in life but that they would continue in their bright futures. Pray for some of the children to come back and teach (some of them have already done this). Pray for permission from parents to put their kids into these homes that teach them what true family looks like. Pray also for the prostitution zones, for ministries to be started there and for the Christians already there to have opening doors towards their friendships. Pray for the workers as they create relationships of trust with kids through the Jungle. Above all, pray that God`s glory may shine in this ministry and that hearts would be won for the gospel.

More info: http://colombiastreetkids.org/

Day 5: Foundation Marrionetta

Journal Entry:

Next, we went to another foundation where we played and coloured pictures with kids. They had a lot of fun with the sidewalk chalk that we brought. This place also helps them with homework, and gives them free food. After a while, all of the kids were sent outside to the courtyard, where they continued to colour and jump rope, while S and D taught a seminar, using M as a translator.

Next, we headed to Cafe + Crepes for some dessert (after eating spaghetti and meat sauce at the Foundation) and on the way B told us about some of the other things that the Foundation does. Their goal is to evangelize Colombia - period. And it was really cool to listen to all her stories of churches banding together to host huge conferences and speakers like Steve Green and Nick Vujicic. 

Although we were only there for one evening, these kids were so great and we had so much fun with them. That night also taught me a valuable lesson about about *brokenness* and how His plan works far more than we can figure out at the time {also follow the link to see pictures for today}. 

When B was telling us all about the things that the Foundation does, the passion that rose up in her voice was incredible. Her urge to see all of Colombia brought on it's knees before it's Saviour was overwhelming and the extent of all that they had accomplished was immense. Through this Foundation, many churches have started working together when otherwise, they would stay far away from each other. 

So pray. Pray for continued unity, more wide-reaching visions, as well as the people necessary to pull them off, pray for wisdom for the leaders, pray for the little things that they do {such as the house for homework/seminars, etc.}. Pray for the people of Colombia to see their God as He truly is... their Saviour.

In the Burden

The other day I ran across her *blog*, and read through it. While doing so, there was one *post* that hit me especially hard, as well as the information and details that can be found at *A21's site*.

Because this is the same thing that I was talking about in relation to Colombia. There are things such as this that I have seen that I have a responsibility to do something about.

I could choose do nothing. I could shut down that tab on my browser and never pursue knowing anything more.

Because it seems so ginormous. It seem so very terribly wrong. It seems so horribly difficult to do anything worthwhile in the face of 27 million enslaved human beings RIGHT NOW.

But this number is composed of individuals, of single stories, of personal circumstances. If there's something that you or I can do that makes a difference to one, it matters. It matters immensely.

And I want to challenge you: do something about it. There's a list of 21 different ways to help out on the website I mentioned above, there is a prayer guide you can download, you can blog about it, you can share the video...  you can do something.

Would you write a letter to one girl, telling her how beautiful she is?

Would you pray, knowing that the One who created these precious children of His will move?

Do it.

When I Don't Understand

We crouched there, on the broken tile courtyard, creating pretty pictures with sidewalk chalk.

Surrounded by clumps of kids, we talked, giggled, and played tic-tac-toe.

And in my peripheral vision, something caught my eye. Kids were starting to colour inbetween the broken tiles instead of on them, and the first though that came to my mind was: Why are they wasting this beautiful chalk?

I wanted to say something, but I didn't, and as time passed... something happened.

What I had seen as messy, unncessary, childish wastefulness earlier, turned into something so beautiful, unique, and out-of-the-box that I was astonished.

 
And as I'm back here and trying to apply the lessons that I learned while in Colombia about my everday mission, what my gifts, passions, and talents are, and what God can do through someone who lets go of everything.... these pictures keep on coming back.

Right now, life is messy. It doesn't always make sense, there's much on my plate and yet I procrastinate.

He's teaching me, and I resist. I try and do it all on my own, and He shows me how that really is impossible.

I feel overwhelmed and like nothing makes sense, and yet life goes on and He gives me strength to persevere and to do my best right here.

But I know that in the end, I'll look back on what I viewed as the unncessary and see how vital it really was. I'll look back on the messy and see what beauty it created later on.

He's working on the masterpiece of me... and it's messy.

But He knows what He's doing. And someday I'll stand before His throne and understand the whys, whens, and hows.

In brokenness... there is beauty.

In the Deja Vu

As I'm packing up, stuffing things into nooks and crannies and checking my list twice, the sense of deja vu hits hard.

The very last time I was on an airplane was arriving in Calgary after flying home from Cameroon because of a medical emergency.

And it feels so wrong to be packing up and getting ready to board a flight headed somewhere other than Cameroon.

It took me awhile to get over my feelings of doubt.

Doubt that this trip will impact me in a huge way because of my past.

Doubt that I would be shocked by children scavenging in the gutters and people scraping a living off of the streets.

Doubts that I would learn to love another third world country.

Doubts that He's shown me are so unfounded and ridiculous when compared to the hugeness and awesomeness of who He is.

And I am still scared that going through this process will bring up that longing. Longing to go to my other home, to be surrounded by all the things that I hold dear.

I don't want to re-say everything I said back then... so just read it.

But He's greater than any longings or any doubts.

And I know that He will also implant in me a longing to make Colombia my home, to be able to stay and love these people with the fullest extent of my love.

And through all of this, I'm learning that my longing should be for Him, above all.

But also, for wherever place that He has called me to share His love.

And even though I have memories, I'm heading out the door to create new ones.

Please pray... and get ready for some blog posts once I get back! :)

In the Little Things

As the plane flight to Colombia approaches, I find many things swirling through my head with nowhere to roost. It seems like I fight through a daily mist of misgivings, hopes, dreams, confusions and information without a resting place.

But He speaks to me even through this numbness.

His sunshine truly does pierce through the gloom.

And He speaks to me in the gifts of a little one, who with smiles and hesitations presents me with his offering.

And what an offering it is.

Through his simple scrawl and hastily folded paper, my heart sees his innocence and rejoices in the gift that He has made this one child to be.

Then, later, when I am writing a return letter... one that will go through the "real mail," He shows me how little gifts brighten everyone's day, and that the little things are most often the things that He shines through.

He doesn't call me to be big, powerful, holding everything together during these hectic upcoming months.

All that He expects me to be is a little light, shining for Him wherever I go.

And as the wherever-I-go part gets put to use in the next few days, He's showing me that it may not be about some amazing revelation that He will impart to me.

It may be something small.

But that would be the best of all.

Shown

I've been wondering the last few days about all that I am. About how I am made, but more specifically what gifts and talents I have been given.

Written in my journal last night:
"I want to be accepted so much by those I esteem. I want to be given the nod of approval, to have kinship, to understand. But above all, I know that I have not given my 100% . I care, I try hard, but I'm too afraid of failing and discouragement - I just want to naturally understand. I want to be gifted and special."

It goes on to reconcile all the above complaining and wondering with pleasing Him utmost, but I wanted to highlight some things. One, my schooling. I want to do my best, but I easily float by and let my standards lower to those that others achieve to. But should my level of trying be decided by others and what they do? No! But it is. If I was put in a private, esteemed academy with a higher level of competition, I would try immensely harder. So why don't I? It all comes back to me being lazy. Okay, so that's established... on to number two!

I want to know what my gifts are. I want to be established and rooted and to feel fulfilled with what I do.

From this morning's journal entry:
"I want to be all that I can be, but it strikes me that yesterday's and today's writings start with the words 'I want.' And that's no way to approach any problem... You have made me with a slightly different personality than those that I love to hang out with and I'm finding the balance betwen developing that fully and not letting that be my boundaries, very hard to achieve. How do I stretch myself but still use my gifts to the fullest? How do I give 100% and give it all for you and not for me?"

I've been reading through the Purpose Driven Life recently and the chapters that I'm going through right now are about my SHAPE (an acronym for the way that I am created: Spiritual gifts, Heart, Abilities, Personality, Experience).

Put all of this together and thus starts this morning. It was Sunday, and I had gotten an e-mail earlier about some sort of youth meeting to help out with Sunday School, so I attended that. Turns out, I got to teach. Not only teach, but tell a story. And you know what? I did it well. I loved it and it came easily. It was enjoyable and stretching. See the applicability?

Other things happened too:
Helping out a little boy that didn't want to go to Sunday School. Persuading him to give it a try and then creeping out with another little boy who didn't want to go to his Sunday School. Standing next to him and introducing him to his group leader. Acting out the father in the prodigal son skit. Improvising and being an extrovert. An extrovert!

Amazing how all my fear and anxiety, my wonderings and confusions can result in this! He has clearly shown me some of the way He has before me...

Breaking

It was strange... as if being in that certain place with certain people made me change.

I entered the building, tired after working for a few hours, and was confronted by noisy children, one of those blow-up-jumpy-castles and food. But among all of these were interspersed people that I know. Schoolmates, friends' parents, kids I had babysat. And all of them surrounded me as I fought to find my family.

Coming near that row of bleachers where the others in my class were seated, it was strange to think that tomorrow, I enter back into that world... and then after it's done, I never have to face it again. Of course, I'll have some secondary education of some sort, but not with people who have known me for 6 years of my life.

It's the same way every year. Coming back from the summer, trying to impress others with your tan, or summer vacation, all the while gearing up for a load of school work. Who am I really trying to impress? Am I trying to make them like me? But don't they already? It's a commonly known, though not often exhibited, fact that most people think others are watching them more often then people actually are.

And that's what breaks me from this inward, self-centered, boasting circle that I go in. Everybody feels the same! We all want acceptance, acknowledgements of our gifts and pasts, love even when we don't meet up to others' standards, and being known for who we are inside. It'll be crazy to meet some of these people in heaven and to see the insides of them. If I know them well enough, I already see that, but for those who I don't know so well, it will be very cool.

Having learned so much this summer, having started thinking about how to make this year the most challenging, stretching, learning, applying, daring year that I have yet had, it was hard to enter that building to find that I was reverting.

Reverting to what I was. Or... what I set myself up as. When did that image ever get started? When did people attribute certain things to me? When did I make a box or category for myself? Did I or did others? Needless to say, there are certain things different people are known for. She's musical, he's a math genius, all he cares about is sports, they never really listen, don't do a group project with them... etc. Everybody knows these things. But the thing is... people change. Or... at least they want to.

I've found myself so often held back by others' interpretation of who I am and what I'm made up of. I constantly go back to what I am known for... refusing to grow or to think about doing the things that are not natural to me. But it's those things that aren't easily attainable and that don't show in my everyday life... those are the things that I'm seeking after this year.

So as I left that building, I had to think. How am I going to do this? This wall...this seemingly crystal clear cage that everybody sees through and I see out of, but still surrounds me... how is it to be broken? How is it to be shattered to never rise again? How am I going to prevent another crystal box to take its place? How am I going to make myself ever changing, ever learning, ever being... myself?

It takes energy, planning, initiative, talking to people, doing uncomfortable things. Things that leave me wondering if I'll fail... because I'm not strong. But He is... and I'm hoping (actually, knowing) that when I work together with Him (more like a little child "writing" the alphabet for the first time with the parent really doing all the work and contributing all the skill)... I will be able to break free... forever.