At Home

It's at times like this that I don't even know what to think or feel.

Home is such a complex word. It embodies a sense of comfort, familiarity, a homing point and being with those who mean the most to me. And this home has been my home for the past 5 years, but before that the jungles of Africa were home, and now Millar is my home for months at a time. Over all, this earth is not my home.

And as I walk through the door and get greeted by the familiar faces, hugged by familiar arms, see the changes in the house, move into a bedroom I've never slept in before, get used to the feel of my house again, to the rhythm of this family of mine, it is home.

There is home in the fact that I don't need to explain myself or why my thought process works in a certain way. There is home in the moments where sibling torture ensues, when I chase my little brother in a droid machine while playing Star Wars III Wii games, and in putting Boo to bed. There is home as I sit here, curled up in a chair, watching my sister do homework while I spend time on the crazy fast internet here.

There is home in the chaos here. There is home in the chaos in my heart. There is home in Him, in the way that He's shaping and molding me. There will never truly be a place when I am most at peace and most comfortable and most familiar until I reach heaven, but here on earth that place comes when I rest in His will.

And as I'm at home, I choose to make memories that will last. I choose to not spend my time on this amazingly fast internet and to get involved in my family's life. I'm not here to rest, although I am. I am here to serve, to be pro-active, to live out what I've been living like any other place I could go. And I'll fail, and fall, but He'll pick me up and set me back on the right track and help me to see that I'm here to learn lessons as well as encourage and teach others. This time at home? It's only another learning stage of life. I've learned that there is no such thing as rest in God's eyes. Yes, there is struggle and triumph and failure, but there is always learning.

I want to spend this time at home in the best way possible.

It's actually harder when it's a place where you feel so... at home.