Constant

It was as I sat there, all scrunched up in a chair, that the familiar warmth over my heart settled in right where my scarf lay. That warmth that's mostly feeling and yet like a slight heaviness on my chest.

I was sitting still, listening to the words of others bringing precious requests before the very throne of God and I was concurring, carrying on my own conversations, praying for the people who were praying, talking, conversing.... doing something that I hadn't done all weekend.

And He was waiting. Waiting to show me how much I missed the warmth of sitting in His presence, held in those arms that wrap so completely around me and leaving me feeling like I'm holding a glowing anchor connected to a string leading all the way up to Him.

But He's right there.

Maybe I thought it would be easier, but I suspect that I knew that it would be this hard.

This weekend was so full. Full of good things. But not full of Him.

And I know that I get easily disillusioned by thinking that if I don't have time to do my devos, then I'm not really spending time with Him.

But it's the moment by moment that really should be my indication of how in tune I am with Him. The constant conversations and thankfulness for everyday beauty and discussing things brought up in class, just being aware of His presence.

Doing devos regularly is a big battle for me here, especially with wanting to sleep as much as I can. So I schedule it in and yet I miss it being the very first thing in my day.

At the same time, He is not confined to a box, and as I sat in that couch, it was as if I was feeling that sense of warm safety coming over me. That feeling or mindset (can you really every truly completely describe what it feels like to have God near?) when I'm listening and talking, and we're communing, and I'm in His presence, knowing that I'm an undeserving child of God and yet a child of God nonetheless.

And to have His Spirit moving in my heart, impressing things on my mind and being able to slip back into that, and to realize how much I missed it. To have that longing brush against my mind and to realize how much I need Him.

I am nothing by myself. And even with Him, it's all about Him.

Then to go to SNOW and to be able to sing about the wonder of such a God. Worshiping the majesty and glory that is His no matter what happens in my life. He is GOOD and someday in heaven we'll see what that really looks like. Holding hands high and abandoning myself in awe of the One who created all of me.

Realizing that knowing Him is about both the big worship moments and the quite intimate moments.

And as I start out a new week, I want to keep that longing, to realize that He is the top priority and to come and sit before Him and know Him more. To open up my heart and let Him chisel away at will even though it may hurt.

I want my heart's song to only and ever be, "Jesus.... Jesus."

Reminding Me

It's at times like this that the emotion runs coursing through my body and even music can't calm me down. When the urge to express my feelings reaches out to the solace found in black words on a white page typed by my hands.

When that moment comes when your brain is fighting every fibre of your body because something needs to change and it. just. can't. And your voice has obeyed you before, when no one's been watching. But now, when it counts, it won't happen. It's as if your mind has a keyhole and the key that you're trying is the wrong one.

And you can't make your voice follow the instructions as much as you long for it to. Yet you're stubborn enough to hide the tears starting to well up in your eyes and explain away the catch in your voice and that acidic sting in your nose.

Is it a battle for humility versus pride? Is there something that I'm missing? Do I just need bare everything, or can I find that key, or... what?

And she comforts and speaks words of love over me and yet I can't accept them because I feel as if I failed.

And it hits me that I've failed to be that strong tower, to be impregnable, and I don't. want. to. let. that. wall. down.

And as it hits me I realized that I've realized something fundamental.

I didn't tell her what was going on inside my head the entire time.

I'm too independent for my own good. Too focused on how others see me. Too analytical. Too much of an Eeyore.

And I exited the building, with the crunching of leaves beneath my feet, and I stand still, gasping as I cry the only way that I do... silently and for a few seconds, without any tears escaping. And then I carry on walking, wiping away the wetness that did trickle down and just wanting to be alone.

Even as I write that, I find it slightly ironic that my version of "alone-ness" means being cradled in the understanding that simple, stark words on a page give me.

And I found myself asking why I ever did this. Put myself in a position to go through this.

Then, He comes knocking. And, oh, how I want to push Him aside. How I want to continue to be the center of my pity-party.

But He won't let me be.

"Have I not given you this opportunity to develop the gift that I have given you? Have I not placed you in this very place to be stretched and broken because of the lessons that I have to teach you about humbleness? Do I not do what is good?"

And it leaves me feeling very Eeyore-ish, but glad that my life is held in the hands of One who knows what He's doing.

In the Changing of the Seasons

I walked slowly, feeling the crisp autumn breeze on my sweater-less skin, hyptonized by the crisp whisperings of the leaves beneath my feet.

It's snuck up on me, that fall is here. And as I walked downtown that afternoon, I realized that more than just a season has changed for me.

A season of life has come and gone. I'm a college kid now and even being at home doesn't mean what it used to. I'm so glad that I can slip back into the family and feel comfortable but I'm not as involved in their lives anymore.

It's dying to a certain season, and yet the birth of another. I'm so glad that I came back this weekend, because since the moment college started until now, I've felt as if I had pushed a "pause" button on my family life. As if they were on hold while I experienced something new that they didn't have a part in.

Only now am I starting to realize that I'm away from them for a whole year, instead of it just feeling like a youth retreat or camp. This is permanent, and my relationship with my family will never be the same.

At the same time, they're still my family and I will fight hard against anything that wants to tear us apart. Coming home for the weekend helped me realize that I need to take a more proactive stance on Skyping them or even just taking time to wonder how life's going on this end of things.

They don't understand my life as well as they used to. I have to explain friends and events, college life that they don't see everyday. At the same time, I'm not involved in the stuff they do around here.

But nothing can change that this is home.

As we drove into town late last night, that feeling of comfort as I recognized landmarks and knew my way around was so nice. This is *my* town. And there are so many things that make it home.

Things like talking to my mom and J until late at night about life and saying, after seeing my dad's gaze wander to my backpack, "Take a look at my textbooks... I know you want to."

Things like crawling into my old bed and falling asleep remembering life lived in that room.

Things like hearing the door creak open in the morning and little girl whispers outside, then a little warm body pouncing on top of me as my 9 year-old Boo crawls on top of me. Lifting up the corner of the sheets with my eyes still glued shut, she slips inside and we talk, all cuddled up, about life.

Things like having J show me her choir songs and having my little brother show off his skills on his tenor horn.

Things like going for a walk downtown and enjoying the day, entering *my* bank and then heading across the street to say "Hi" to a family that misses me and ending up chatting for an hour as their daughter plays peekaboo with me and the conversation ranges from pregnancy to church to college to business.

Things like going to Boo's friend's fundraiser bake sale, and having her hug me as I pick out a cinnamon bun and pay for it, realizing that too often I am ashamed to put myself out there for causes such as this but she is right out there, running along the highway with a sign, raising money for water filters in Cambodia. Feeling proud.

Things like seeing my little brother play Minecraft, hugging my dad good morning, seeing my mom biking around town.

Things like seeing J working with my Monkey and hiding behind trees as they go by on that big red bike, not wanting her to see me and get distracted.

Things like watching the news while eating lunch, and the fact that my mom cracks open a bag of tortilla chips, knowing that they are my one big weakness.

Things like biking around town with my best friend, racing each other to hit the crispiest leaf piles, then heading to Macs to grab slushies, and then watching two episodes of MacGyver.

Things like constructing the Ikea island for our kitchen with the entire family (my best friend's included in my definition of family) and stealing tools from each other.

Things like having my Grandma's birthday celebration moved up a day just because I was home and watching my younger siblings banter over the "treasure" cake and how much money each got in their pieces (and strategizing what pieces they should choose next in order to ensure more booty).

Things like my mom letting Boo stay up late in order to spend some time with me browsing ridiculous Youtube videos.

Things like eating homemade baked oatmeal again, and watching everyone head off to church.

Things that being home mean.

Central

So, just to let you in on the insides of my academic life here at college and to expand on the lesson of centricity mentioned in my previous post, I thought I'd post my first "paper" although it's a summary of a book that we were required to read during our first modular course, so it's more personal and yet formatted essay-ish style. Here 'tis: 

On the completion of reading the assigned chapters, it was challenging to look back at the beginning of the week when I had begun, to the end and the lessons that I had learned in between. Although there were many minute lessons that I gleaned from the pages, there was one big lesson, and as I examine it, I found it to be the most worthwhile one that I could have learned, that being the centricity of Christ in every verse of the Bible.

Starting with the preface, the book challenged my assumptions about the Bible and my thoughts towards reading it. In the preface, I was challenged with the “slightly off-looking cheese sandwich at an old lady’s house” vs. “a huge chocolate sundae at Joe’s ice-cream parlour” analogy that the author offered in terms of how the Bible is seen. Too often I take God’s Word as something to be devoured akin to vegetables; something that’s been instilled within you since your childhood as essential to good nutrition, but without the presence of a maternal figure would never partake of. In this way, the analogy challenged me to view reading God’s Holy Word as a delight rather than something obligatory.

The concept of the centricity of Christ kicked in heavily at the start of the book with the examination of the Old Testament books, as I have often been guilty of writing them off as history and not as applicable to my everyday life as the New Testament is. Yet another consequence of reading about the Old Testament was that I began to see that I had for quite some time been reading the Bible for the particular commands and challenges that could be found, instead of looking at it for Christ. Although those commands and challenges are useful, I had gone from reading about the One who is behind it all, to just reading about all the other things that were simply additional.

One of the biggest challenges for me was discovering the part Jesus played in the Old Testament. For some time, I have wondered what the specific job entitlements or positions the Trinity played but when the author brought up the fact that when people in the Old Testament had seen God, they were seeing Him through Jesus, it caused me to pause. Unknowingly, I had previously stuck Jesus into the context of the New Testament and had rendered Him utterly useless any time previous to that. Although the author’s words struck me as really strange at first, the more that he explained the work of Jesus being the revealer of the Father, the more I realized what a misconception I had of the Trinity.

Through all that I read, it brought me to an appreciation of how the whole Bible works together to tell one grand story with only one Star, and how each part of the Bible is essential in telling that one great Story. Instead of viewing the Old Testament as out-of-date or full of worthless rules now that we are freed by grace, I now realize how much they are pointing, urging, and depicting the coming of Christ in an eloquent display of longing. This longing is then fulfilled in the New Testament and the Story does not stop there. Rather, it continues on into my own life and the work that God can do through me to further His story. Through reading the book, I came to realize how each verse of the Bible points towards Christ and how I really am just a glove, and He is the power that is working His Story through me.

And it's hard to write papers on things that touch my soul. It's not like Social where I'm expounding on a war and the effect it had on the citizens or politics, etc. Rather, I'm expounding on the only Truth and the impact it has on me as a person. It's so wacky... but great. To take everything that I'm learning and apply it in my every day is one of the biggest challenges yet.  

Day 8: Formando Vidas

Journal Entry:
(YWAM compound)
In the afternoon, we went to the YWAM compound. E B was there and we spent time playing with the kids, hearing some of their stories and knowing that any trouble that I go through is so much less than theirs, and eating hamburgers for supper. When S got home, we all gathered around and he told us about their street kids' rehabilitation program. What shone through was his willingness to do everything and anything You told him to do (and he continues to do so today).

The thing that really challenged me was how the whole purpose of his life changed after he was willing to give everything up. I've tried to do that again and again, but I always hang on so tightly to some small part. Honestly, I'm scared to think of what You could and would do in my life if I let You have full control. My ideas and knowledge are so limited to my personal knowledge sphere.

Help me to lay down everything, knowing that You want everything for my good and that You will multiply my wildest dreams into something I can't even imagine. Help me to daily lay down myself and to let go, knowing that You are unchanging and good.

(YWAM school)

Well, You definitely showed me a lot of things today. We taught at the YWAM school which was cool because it catered to street kids and so had a different teaching style. The class sizes were from 3-6, and it was fun working more one-on-one than ever before.

These kids have amazing potential and I'm so glad that You're working in that way to bring kids to You to break the generational cycle.

(The Jungle)

It is an amazing place! Although the different stations are set up from whatever they have, it looks like something any little kid would enjoy. I volunteered to stay at the foosball tables along with whoever else wasn't busy at another station. These kids had never been there before and the joy in their eyes as they went through all the different stations and played to their heart's content, was gladdening to see. It's sad to think that these kids haven't been able to come before because their area is controlled by a guy who says what they can or cannot do.

After a while of playing, everyone sat down and we helped to serve their snack. Then, with the help of some laminated pictures, some of the kids told the story of blood, sacrifice, and sin that started at Genesis and led up to the death of Jesus. Although there's so much that has gone on in their lives, it amazed me to see how much truth can be put into one child's life. Even though it's hard, there is a pastor working among these children, planting seeds that could very well cause a large harvest to be reaped later on. I need to determine to do that in my own life - to do what may seem little, praying that it may grow large in Your hands.

While the kids played for a few more minutes, we hopped into S B's van and toured the region nearby to give us an idea of where the usual kids who come to play come from. Just a few streets up, there was a region that was testament to how much Your love is needed in this city.

I don't know that it must have felt like to be a guy at that moment, because to be a girl was hard enough. To think of these girls, who are being shown daily that "love" can be bought and that they are only useful as toys, makes me cringe. They have no idea of Your love for them, no idea of the beautiful soul that You created within them to be realized, no idea of a Hope beyond what they see every day. What did I do that I am privileged enough to have been born into a Christian family, to live in Canada, to go to the school that I do, and every other thing that I have been blessed with. Why them in this predicament and not me? I am once again glad that You promise them a future and a hope. 

Prayer is essential for wisdom and strength in all these facets of ministry. The cycle of destruction that they are endeavoring to break is powerful. Pray that if delivered that they would not be sucked in later in life but that they would continue in their bright futures. Pray for some of the children to come back and teach (some of them have already done this). Pray for permission from parents to put their kids into these homes that teach them what true family looks like. Pray also for the prostitution zones, for ministries to be started there and for the Christians already there to have opening doors towards their friendships. Pray for the workers as they create relationships of trust with kids through the Jungle. Above all, pray that God`s glory may shine in this ministry and that hearts would be won for the gospel.

More info: http://colombiastreetkids.org/

Pursuing

There is still one more post to come in the prayer days for Colombia, but there is something more important to write about at a time like this, and so that will continue to be procrastinated.

I went around my room picking up all my clothing scattered on the floor, putting away hair products, and replacing Bibles and books. 

And it struck me.... the messiness of my room perfectly reflects the state of my soul these days.

It's so easy to get caught up in the community here. Even the academic competitor that I am, I put off homework to hang out with friends, and that's been great. 

But it's so easy to make my focus about other things rather than the only reason that I just breathed in that breath that I used to give energy to my fingers to type this sentence. Him. 

Then again, He`s pursuing.

Last Sunday, we had a worship night here on campus and there was a moment, have you ever had it?, when with your eyes closed and arms up in praise, there seems to be this rubbing of your soul with the glory of God and you're overwhelmed because of all that you're not and all that He is. And it leaves you gasping, and smiling a smile a mile wide while rolling in the glorious feeling of closeness and it hits you that this is not even a smidge of all that He is. 

And that glorious moment of praise really confirmed to me that this is the place where I am supposed to be. I've learned a lot this past week, the biggest thing that reality of Jesus in every section of the Bible and the grand story behind it all, and it has given me a renewed hunger for reading this Book of all books.

At the same time, we are required to read 6 specified books before the 20th and it finds me reading through the chapters as rote, grasping the bigger story and yet most of the time just passing each chapter as a milestone to the assignment.

Tonight, we had a prayer meeting on campus. It was held in one of the staff member's homes, and wasn't required, but ended up being packed. The feeling of being surrounded by people with a similar intent was amazing, but it was as we started praying and were brought back to one point that I found myself being overwhelmed by this pursuing King of all kings once again. 

We were challenged by the leader about the desperation of seeking God with every breath.

I have let the mundane overcome me, lost and blind to the passion of the One who calls me. 

Lost my focus of why I am here and let it become the people, assignments, convenience, anything but Him.

Although I do meet with Him during the weeks, weekends are the bane of my devotional life, and I realized that I had become stuck in my all too familiar rut of forgetting Him on the weekends. Which is silly because it's the one time that I have time to do things like spend longer on devotions, etc. but it's often because I sleep in and don't get up at my set aside time for devotions during the week. 

I had lost my hunger to know this amazing Father who deigned to stoop low and to pick up one which contains so much sin, but has become covered with the blood of His Son. 

And as we prayed and as I felt the passion in others' voices and felt challenged in my relationship with Him and how dry I have often allowed my conversations to become, and although I acknowledge that a relationship is a steady process, it should still be underlined with my urgency to be hungry for Him.

To realize that I am nothing but hungry, broken, empty, and full of sin. 

To realize that He is everything, including satisfying, healing, and holy. 

Once we were done and we had laid down our requests before Him, I headed back to the dorms, grabbed a sweater, changed into pants and grabbed my Bible and Zune and head out to the trampoline behind the girl's dorm. 

And as I sat there, watching the slowly fading sky, I surrendered again. I don't want this year to be about friendships, valuable as they may be, or about academics, no matter what I may learn... it has one purpose: Him. 

It's so easy for met to set up other priorities and idols. And as I poured out myself, He met me with a calling of "Peace, child." and the sense that He was everything that I needed. I came hungry and He filled. And I worshiped. 

And by the time I'm writing this, the feelings have already faded. But my God is so much more than feelings... He is the living and never changing, always constant lover of my soul. 

And He is pursuing me... and I want to be found, and to find.

Day 6: Foundation Nina Maria

Journal Entry:

Father, today You broke my heart. I was hoping that it would come, and that Your compassion would break though, that I would be able to feel deeply - to cry. Throughout this trip, I have longed to have more emotions, that I would get attached and not want to leave a place. So far, I've just gone throughout each day terribly touched but not to the point of breaking.

I knew that today that we were heading to the handicapped foundation and I was dreading it. Since I've grown up surrounded with people like my cousin who has cerebral palsy, my sister when she was sick with Lyme and then working with a mentally and physically disabled girl, I find my heart a captive of their innocence and purity.

It was hard to jump  into playing with them, to get past the physical differences (I was ashamed that it took me so long), but it eventually got to the point where I saw their souls. That point wherein my only goal is to make them smile, to find their personality and to cater to it.

My heart became so happy when I saw a boy named P who was signing. It seems as if signing is my territory and even though he had a totally different vocabulary and way of signing, I was gladdened to see the way that he communicated and how others helped him out.

Although these children have a supporting staff and a pretty amazing facility, they have no way to advance, to show what jewels they are when shined up. These kids have been either rejected by their families, or society, or by both. It makes me so sad that there isn't anyone here to work one-on-one with them and that they really have no future. We were able to give them only one afternoon of laughter and as I left, it was painful to realize that tomorrow would be very different most likely.

But through it all, You spoke. I am so glad that You are the Father of the fatherless, Comforter to the broken, life to the dead - that You care even when others don't. And as many of them surrounded me, I saw once again how their hearts must be among the most precious in Your sight.

Through it all, my heart stayed intact, even when I saw others crying and felt a deep tug on my heart for their plight. During our team meeting, however, I saw others cry, shed a few tears before my turn and spoke tremulously during my turn. After, however, while S was talking, the full impact of what they face and how blessed I am, and how great it is that places like the one here in Canada exist, hit me.

You broke through and I heaved, shuddering, feeling so good once the tears fell. I want my heart to be wise in the ways of unnecessary pain, and yet be open to compassion and breaking. I don't want to let a callus reform over this open rawness, but only You can do that.

As I headed over here, I prayed for You to break my heart for what breaks Yours - and now You're starting to do that. Yes, I may not be "emotional", but I still want to feel deeply about what troubles Your heart. I wonder where You and this passion will lead me. Please keep on breaking! I love You and the things that break Your heart.

No cameras were allowed inside because of security concerns, so I have no pictures to show you. But I think that you can gain from my journal entry the apparent hopelessness that some of these kids are under. Pray that the true Hope would be revealed and that this Foundation would become a place of unbelievable hope. Pray for the staff who have to go through some amazing stuff, that they would always be full of compassion and that their hearts would never get hardened. Pray for the futures of these kids, that they may be ones of hope and not despair. Pray that the Father of all would become apparent to them. 

Day 5: Foundation Marrionetta

Journal Entry:

Next, we went to another foundation where we played and coloured pictures with kids. They had a lot of fun with the sidewalk chalk that we brought. This place also helps them with homework, and gives them free food. After a while, all of the kids were sent outside to the courtyard, where they continued to colour and jump rope, while S and D taught a seminar, using M as a translator.

Next, we headed to Cafe + Crepes for some dessert (after eating spaghetti and meat sauce at the Foundation) and on the way B told us about some of the other things that the Foundation does. Their goal is to evangelize Colombia - period. And it was really cool to listen to all her stories of churches banding together to host huge conferences and speakers like Steve Green and Nick Vujicic. 

Although we were only there for one evening, these kids were so great and we had so much fun with them. That night also taught me a valuable lesson about about *brokenness* and how His plan works far more than we can figure out at the time {also follow the link to see pictures for today}. 

When B was telling us all about the things that the Foundation does, the passion that rose up in her voice was incredible. Her urge to see all of Colombia brought on it's knees before it's Saviour was overwhelming and the extent of all that they had accomplished was immense. Through this Foundation, many churches have started working together when otherwise, they would stay far away from each other. 

So pray. Pray for continued unity, more wide-reaching visions, as well as the people necessary to pull them off, pray for wisdom for the leaders, pray for the little things that they do {such as the house for homework/seminars, etc.}. Pray for the people of Colombia to see their God as He truly is... their Saviour.

Day 4: Good Seed

Well, this blog post is actually the one I was looking forward to the most just because of the incredible story behind it all. I only got there when most of the story was finished, but it's amazing to see how God had been working the story before we got there and even after. We were only a small puzzle piece.

Day 4: Good Seed

After eating lunch, we headed out to a Barrio where we were led by a guy named E. He runs a project where children at risk go for help with homework, playing and being taught the Gospel. We had to stay close to him because the area was notorious for gangs, thieves, etc. Since he's spent so much time there and because they respect what he is doing, the area gang protects him from other gangs.

It was so cool to see the languages of playing and laughter being expressed and to see life in the eyes of children who experience things that I don't even want to think about. First, we waited in the courtyard while they ate a snack and then we all trekked up the hill to the playground space that they use. Once there, we sang the Banana song and played Flying Dutchmen. After playing a few games, we left, spurred on by a group of boys who had been threatening Sheila and trying to steal her stuff (and also whistling back to older people in the shacks behind us).

They have an amazing ministry here in a really tough place to serve - and the people there respect him and the work that he does. He has proven himself to be a true servant of Yours. They're trying to buy another lot of land so that they can expand their ministry, and once again, I'm so glad that I can continue to help through prayers.

Now the really amazing part. Read these blog posts in this order in order to see a crazy amazing God plan unfolding before your very eyes. The way that this blogger writes is incredible.

1. http://viviafanador.blogspot.ca/2011/06/spiritual-diagnosis.html
2. http://viviafanador.blogspot.ca/2011/06/half-human-half-monster.html

3. http://viviafanador.blogspot.ca/2011/07/wow-wow-wow.html

4. http://viviafanador.blogspot.ca/2011/07/criminal.html   

5. http://viviafanador.blogspot.ca/2011/07/get-involved-with-egipto.html

I'm sure that those blog posts brought up plenty of things to pray for, including the continuing work of Elias and all that he does there. But prayer is NOT the least we can do, as I've been learning since the time I wrote that journal entry. So, as you pray, please pray to see if God has laid it upon your heart to be one of the 300 people that would help make Good Seed's expansion possible. 

Day 3: Fertile Soil

Journal Entry:

After teaching, we drove to a place where we expected to have to play with around 100 kids who were revved up and ready to play hard. Instead, we arrived and did a small presentation for a group of about 20 kids aged 3-6. Then, we spent the rest of the time playing with the kids. We started off with Pato, Pato, Gonzo (Duck, Duck, Goose). In my circle, there was a little girl who looked half asleep and when her mother walked her around the circle for the second time, she started whimpering.

Knowing that I was wiped and didn't really want to be active, and because she was cuter than a button (where does that saying come from, anyway?), I picked her up and sat on the sidelines. It took a while, but after some soothing and a heart-shaped sucker, she calmed down.

It's an amazing feeling to have a small body nestled on your lap and I love the feelings of motherhood and protectiveness that come over me whenever I do. Whenever I would readjust her, she would lean right back in - effectively making my heart melt.

She loved it when I would bounce my finger on the end of her lollipop and then ruffle her hair or squeeze her nose or tickle her. I prayed over her, my little K, and begged You to watch over her. Most likely, she'll grow up in the same situation her mother's in and that makes me wish that I could help her escape from this endless, vicious cycle.

When I told her that I had to leave, she shook her head and flung her hands around my neck. It felt so good to be needed, wanted, and loved back. She kept on clinging and I had to set her down and convince her to let go. It was hard - but thank You for such a wonderful opportunity.

Only one picture today, but suffice it to say that the kids there were extremely adorable (and we were delighted to find a girl with Down Syndrome there, too!)

As for prayer, this organization is run by an amazing woman who is trying to reach out to the parents of these kids, and so was expecting us to present the Gospel to them because she had asked them to come early. We were not quite prepared for that and were really there more for the kids, but pray for a continued passion for the parents of these kids. Also, for finances for them to send their kids here because they are being taught valuable life lessons about God while being cared for physically and mentally, whereas at home they would simply be another person running around. Many of these children have no hope except to go back into the cycle, and someday send their kids to someplace like this. Pray for a break in this vicious cycle, and that His saving power would make a difference in these kids' lives as they grow up.

Day 2: Teen Girl's Ministry

Journal Entry:
Next, we headed to a home for teenage moms and their babies. This place hit me hard because I am strongly drawn to children and desire passionately to have some of my own someday, as You well know. The youngest girl there was twelve years old and we met another young girl who was sixteen and had a newborn baby.
To think about having a baby at my age was heart-wrenching, but it also feels great to know that things will get better through this ministry. They place more experienced girl with newer ones and provide physical and psychological help for these girls who are from the streets.
This ministry is run by an amazing woman named I. who became a widow nine years ago and has a burning passion for these girls and You. I find it so amazing how she cares so much for each individual girl and how she calls each one of them "Precious", "Princess", etc.
Anything concerning young children and girls who need help really connects with me and I feel a strong desire to help out. I was so encouraged by how You've provided her with workers and government support all the way along. She's just started up a new ministry next door for girls who are drug seller and addicts, murderers, thieves, etc. and there have been multiple problems along the way. What's amazing to me is her steadfastness because of her belief in what You've called her to do.
We girls taught the moms how to make butterflies while the boys held babies. It was so sad to see how much fear these girls have towards men in general, but it was cool to see all of the guys loosen up and get sort-of comfortable. I snuck away from doing crafts near the end and went to hold some of the babies. It makes me sad to wonder where they will end up in the future. I held one baby named D and prayed over his future, knowing that You love him so much more than I do, or could. It's so comforting to know that You know what each one of these girls is going through. You work powerfully through prayer and I'm so glad, because it's the one way in which I can continue to help even when I'm not physically present.


This was probably the most touching ministries of all that we faced in Colombia during those 10 days. Every person was touched in different ways.

We pulled up to the side of the street and filed out, grabbing craft supplies from the back of the bus and then heading in. Right in front of us, there was a set of stairs going up, and then a hallway leading back. A lady, small, but with a spitfire spirit, met us. Almost as soon as she started talking, I could see the passion in her eyes. And it overwhelmed me. Overwhelmed and yet beckoned in an incredible way.

Looking up the stairs, we saw some little kids playing on the stairs and before doing anything else, the lady gave us a tour of the ministry. Heading up the stairs, we were met with a group of young moms who held their kids in their arms. These small wonders ranged from newborns to almost 2 years old. Some of them followed us as we made our way throughout the building.

There were multiple floors, on each a number of bedrooms. In each of the bedrooms, we were told, a mom who had been there a longer time was paired with a new one coming in. There were also showers and bathrooms on the floors and I was struck with how bright and open everything seemed, instead of being grubby or closed in.

In one of the rooms, she introduced us to the newest born of the babies, who had come home only a few days ago. The young girl came shyly into the room, and we were told that she was 16. She proudly presented her baby for all of us to see, and then disappeared like a shadow. That really hit me hard. I was 16 at the time. Me... with a baby? Relating to my age made everything more real in terms of what she was going through.

We also brought bags full of baby clothing, bottles, and other supplies that were donated/bought in Canada.

A few days later, one of the slots that was supposed to be filled with another ministry was opened up, so we arranged things so that the girls could go back to the teen girls' ministry.


{Second Day}
Then, our team split up, with the boys returning to the foundation from yesterday and the girls returning to the foundation for teen moms and their babies. When we showed up, we found out that they weren't expecting us (this had been a change in our original schedule). We didn't have as many craft supplies as there were women and so it seemed like we weren't really giving them anything - more like a handout instead of showing love. After a while, I started playing with a little boy named J, who was coming into the craft room and disturbing everyone. I took him out into the hallway and found out that he was two years old. It made me sad to think that he probably doesn't get much one-on-one time playing things like peek-a-boo and counting to ten and getting tickled. But I also know that You have a plan for his life and that's incredibly encouraging.
Then, after finishing up the crafts, all the girls were gathered and we had a prayer and sharing time. Two of the girls in our group spoke to the girls, telling them about how much we admire their strength and how the same God who made us made them, and that they are beautiful and perfect in His eyes. It was inspiring to see the lights come on inside of their eyes, and it struck me that these girls don't often encounter hope. So we shared with them how You hold hope for a better future and we listened to their prayer requests and prayed for them. Even though they didn't know that we were coming and although so many little kinks had to be worked out, You showed me once again how You take what we perceive to be the wrong timing or bad circumstances and turn it into something beautiful.
These girls love their babies so much and it breaks my heart to think that these kids could end up in the same place without further support.

As we spoke these words of encouragement, of admiring them for their strength, as we broke down crying because of all that we'd seen there, their faces lit up. Our brokenness, our very vulnerability made them able to receive those words because they were from the very deepest parts of us. To be able to see that we're all just girls, in different places, but made exactly the same. We have different circumstances, but why wasn't I put in that situation? Why was I blessed to grow up where I did and have the family that I do? I don't know, but He does. And we spoke about being sisters. Sisters with an amazing Father.

That prayer meeting turned into something pivotal. For us as a team, and for them as girls. It broke our hearts, and it made them see that we meant what we said. Many of these girls are longing to be returned to their families, and may not ever be able to because of the circumstances. The reality of what they have to face everyday in life is crazy. I can't comprehend it.

But I can comprehend a God who knows all about it, who has a plan for them, and who is working in their lives even right now.

As for prayer, I think that prayer for I. would be great. She is in charge of running this household of girls, and the new ministry that she's starting in the building next door has been going through some hard times. Besides that, the government funding upon which her work is based is capricious, depending on circumstances. Pray for a provision of finances, as well as workers. Pray for strength and the ability to see clearly. Pray for these girls, that they may be touched with the reality of what true love looks like, and that it's held in the heart of a true Father. One who will never forsake or betray, but One who knows everything they have ever done/been put through and still loves them as if they were great treasures. Pray hard for these girls.

Day 1: The Recyclers

Journal Excerpt:
Then, we headed out to the Recyclers. Pictures and the real thing really don't compare. Today was the first time that I took lots of pictures, because before I just wanted the experiences to matter, but today we went to a wide variety of places.

It was encouraging to see how kids are the same around the world and how much fun they had with simple things like jumping ropes. These people have so little and it was sad to know that although we had lots of fun playing with them today, most of their days are filled with starvation, pain, uncertainty, tears, and anything but You. It was also amazing, though, to see the dedication of the teacher from ECA who has been doing this for a long time. Throughout all of today, Your amazing power shone through so strongly in all of these ministries.

There are so many more pictures that I could put in here, but these should kind of sum up what it looked like...

We went there armed with skipping ropes, paddles with balls, and a hope that we could make these kids' days. As soon as we arrived, we were told to leave everything valuable inside the van, and then we were shown to the only open space in this jumbled city made up of cardboard, sheet metal and whatever scraps they could find. Most of the parents weren't there, as they had been out since dawn with their carts, which, if they were lucky enough, were pulled by a horse with its ribs poking out, and if not, then they pulled it themselves. The kids, however, seemed to come out of every opening in the houses around, summoned by news of a free meal. We served them ham and cheese sandwiches and yogurt, probably the only meal that they had had in awhile. They were always up for playing, however, anything from telling us which one of us skipped ropes with them or requesting one more horsey ride, with skipping ropes for reigns.

The guy who worked with these people was a teacher from an English Christian school that we were based out of during our time in Colombia. He would come and get to know these people every week. He was dedicated to these people who had nothing. A servant to the lowest strata of this Colombian society.

At the time we were living the government had issued a prerogative that the whole recyclers shanty-town had to move, and they didn't know where they were going to go.

We told the story of David, acting it out, while one of the people travelling with us translated. As they cheered as Goliath went down, it filled me with hope. Hope that these people who seem to have no hop would someday come to know the true Hope, and to recognize that this Hope pursues them, and He will not give up.

I think one of the biggest things that could be prayed about would be housing for these people. I don't know what's happened since we left, but I'm sure that the road's been tough. Also, pray for this faithful ECA teacher who's been ministering to these lowest-of-the-low, for long term solutions instead of just treating the symptoms, and also for the acceptance of the message of a Healer and a Hope who wants them as His very own family.

Through Intercession

It's sad, but as I slip back into my routine, my time with Him comes easier. As my wake-up time becomes solidified, I rise each morning with expectation, knowing what's ahead.

But it's so easy to let my mind wander as I think about what is coming in the day. And as I speak out loud to keep my concentration, it then becomes easy to focus on what's going on in my life and my mind narrows.

I think about all that I struggle with instead of all the chains that He's broken. I focus on what's stressing in my day ahead instead of thinking of the gift of another day.

And you know what helps take my mind off me and turn it to Him?

Others.

When I turn my mind from myself and bring others' needs and problems (as well as triumphs) before Him, my problems fade away and I realize once again how strong and powerful He really is.  I try and make it a habit, but it's so easy to forget.

I have a notebook, filled with a 12 day rotation of people from school, the whole Colombia team (still praying for all of you!), kids from youth group, campers, as well as counselors, from Camp, family members, friends, etc.

But, besides my list of four people a day, there is another list.

A list of ministries.

Now I wrote up that list after a very special trip I took in February of this past year. If you've taken the time to read through my Colombian Diaries tab up above, you've probably heard about them.

Beside the schools that we visited and taught at, there were a variety of ministries that we visited. Although we visited them, bringing whatever we could to bless them, but we always left blessed by them. These ministries were headed by some simply amazing people through whom God is doing great work.

And at this 6 month marker since I went and 6 months until the next team goes, I'm wondering if you will join me in a week long journey of prayer for these ministries. One a day, with information about each, and the excerpts from my journal about my time there, as well as some pictures that bring it a little bit closer. I'll try and post them the night before (and then link them the following morning), so that whenever you do your devotions, it'll be ready.

Would you commit to it? It might be a stretch for you, or it might be nothing big, but I do know that it will be worth it. Already, through typing up the beginnings of each day's post, I've seen a bit of the bigger picture... and it's stupendous. It's amazing what God can do when we take our focus off ourselves and place it on somewhere else or someone else who also needs prayer. It makes our problems seem that much more insignificant and reminds us that our God is so much bigger. Maybe it will put a certain ministry into your heart to keep and to continue to pray for. Maybe it will show you the greater reach of missions beyond the stereotypical and show you how God is working in so many different ways around the world. I don't know what He will show you... all I know is that He will show you something.

All I do know, is that through intercession, I find Him at work, in both my life and theirs.