Or maybe it's simply because it seems like in every moment, I am being taught new things and if I kept a list to blog about, I would never get around to it.
Anywhos...
Recently, I was approached with a position for next year that requires leadership on my knees... and as I was contemplating the delightful burden that will be laid upon me next year, there was one devotional time where I was thinking about all that could happen and all that could fail and I reached a point.
A point where I had to say, "There is absolutely nothing in me that can inspire a dorm full of girls towards passionate prayer."
And a moment later, I whispered the words that He showed me. I whispered, "But that's the whole point, isn't it? That I can't. I am utterly unable. But you are totally capable. You can."
All He's looking for is a vessel. A person who is willing to be used even in ways that may seem ridiculous. Someone willing to hang on His every word and to move in His ways.
In leadership, I am called to be lead by a greater Leader. I am called to humility.
Over the last few days as I've been praying more and mulling things over, there was a time when He seemed to bop me over the head and say, "Umm.. excuse me? Isn't that what I've called you to do in every part of your life?"
Somehow I fall into the disillusion that I can do it all. That somehow I take what He teaches me and apply it to my life and get wisdom from Him and apply it in my life, and that's a part of it, but I've forgotten the part of letting go.
Of drawing near, so that I disappear and He appears in every action, thought and word. All I'm supposed to be is a human skin willing to be moved by His voice.
I used to think those people who were so attuned to Him were taking it a little too seriously and leaving fun behind, but there is no way that someone can claim to be consumed with God if they're not willing to lay down everything.
And you know what? There is so much joy, so much foundation, so much rightness when He's the center of everything.
There's no way that I've got things figured out - and there's such a paradox between me carrying out the work that He has laid before me and letting His Spirit move, but when I'm in His presence, it all sorts itself out.
I'm called to transparency, so that He may become apparent.
I'm called to nothingness, so that He may be all.
"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now i am glad to boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ can work through me." {2 Corinthians 12:9}
{Just found this song today and thought that it's so often what I miss when coming into His presence - to be a little child in my Father's arms}
