Until It Hurts

Growing up overseas, many things in life were seen with a different view than they are here. Say, food, for an example. You were not safe eating anything unless there was some plantains, or another kind of starch sitting nearby, in order to cool your tongue once you figured out just how many pepe peppers they had put in this time. Another thing: the host always takes the first bite. Not for politeness' sake, but instead to prove to you that they haven't poisoned anything. Such was the reality I grew up with.

As I look back now, these lessons, which taught me to take a different view of life than most, are so important and influence so much more of my actions than I thought that they did. The biggest one is money.

I never thought that we were poor. In fact, to everyone around us, we were the "rich white people." I was fed, clothed, got some gifts for Christmas and birthdays, and was loved. What else did I need?

Nothing... but that's not what culture over here tells me now. It says: "Store up, you never know when you might need it!" or "Splurge... you're worth it!" And with these voices inside of my head, I find it harder to adhere to the things that I learned about money while growing up, which were: always save, always tithe, always give away freely.

Often, people would come to the door, wanting some cash to supposedly take someone to the hospital, or buy some important medicine, or the taxi cab fare in town to see some relatives. And my parents gave. Not all the time, especially when someone was a notorious drunk,etc., but even when there was some doubt about the legitimacy of the cause, they gave. And they weren't always paid back (although, there were often repayments in fruit or chickens, etc.). The thing is... they knew that when they gave the money.

I think the biggest thing that has changed between Cameroonian culture and the North American culture is the importance that is placed on money. Because money really only holds the importance that you give it. Overseas, money is often seen as a means to an end, such as feeding the family, expanding the farm, paying for an education. But here? Too often, money is an end in and of itself.

And how that has affected me comes to show now... when I have money.

I am so thankful for my job... for how much it's not a job. And as I receive a pay cheque, I'm so glad that I can easily tithe. But give away? No.... what about college? I mean... debt is a no-no, so I've got to save. But there again... the means to an end. When I'm saving money to feel secure, money becomes my security, the end, instead of the means. But when I give away? It goes freely, to accomplish whatever can be bought or given with it.

And it leaves me struggling with how to give and how to save.

 But I am reminded about the *widow's mite*.

Might the secret be not to give as much as I can, but instead, to give until it's not the extra, but the necessary? To give until it hurts? To have a pinch because of generosity? Because that's when money has no importance, no hold on me, except the ability to help others in whatever way that it can.

This Christmas, can you give until it hurts?