Enough

It's not about me.

How many times do I have to keep on seeing that, learning it, expressing it, doing it?

All my life, I'm afraid.

Going into this school year, there's so much ahead that terrifies me and excites me all at once. I'm being placed in a leadership role that requires humility and time, some things that aren't exactly my forte at times. And as I wonder about how I'm going to deal with these things and how I'm going to come across, and how to plan, and, and, and, and...

He stops me with a song.

His grace is enough.

It's enough to cover my inadequacies. Enough, even, to highlight them for His glory.

It's enough to inspire me, to give me strength, to give me compassion, to give me flexibility. His grace is the only thing that can carry me.

The hard part is actually letting Him do that.

You see, I have a problem.

Not only am I prideful.... but I hate coming across as needy.

When people think of me, I want them to think of someone who has their life together, who is strong, who is confident, who knows that's going on and what to do.... psssshhhhh....

who am i kidding....

The crazy thing is that the people who have impacted me most have not been those who had their lives put together perfectly, who were able to deliver that crazy inspirational speech, or were in the limelight all the time.

Those people who have impacted me the most have been those who have lived openly before me, letting their cracks show and their brokenness out. Those who show that life is not about living it perfectly, but being broken and depending on One who is greater.

Whether that's my parents, my friends, my mentors, people from my church, or people here at Millar, I know that my desire to be perfect is even counter-productive to an extent.

Because how much can an all-sufficient God shine through someone who is perceived as all-sufficient?

Not very much.

And so I pray for brokenness. For the ability to live brokenly in front of others, and to not try to explain away my faults and my failures.

To live in the hope of One who is over-abundantly, overwhelmingly, more than... enough.