Quizzing and Surrender

It hurts...

It really does...

This weekend was the Quizzing Tournament that was held in T-Town. I anticipated much and was not disappointed.

Friday night was both the worst of times and the best of times. I started out the night with a self-glorifying attitude and it wasn't long until I fell flat on my face. I wanted to jump fast, get the answers correct and do it so that everyone could see how good I was.

But I didn't... and I wasn't.

That night though, we lead worship with a team that had first practiced only a few hours before. New people, new cohesiveness... things weren't looking pretty. But when we stood up there, it came together. Not perfectly, not seamlessly. Stitches were hanging out here and there. But when you're leading a group of kids and adults who have devoted their weekend to reciting His Word, it doesn't matter how good or bad the musicians are. You still praise.

So with a cleaner heart, I lifted hands toward heaven and just sang. I let it go and something happened.

You know those times when everything's going good and then it just gets better? Like there was a film and now it's evaporated and everything seems clearer and brighter and just plain better?

Yeah.

Then they all had fun getting to figure out what Quizzing was like. It made my day to see my friends and classmates taking an interest in what consumes a few weekends of my year and hours throughout the week. To see them jump with anticipation and answer silly questions. To laugh and to know that I am loved.

Saturday morning was even better. Things had started coming back and my new perspective was really helping things. I found myself giving more to others, encouraging and lifting up instead of figuring out how I could answer more questions correctly.

And it lead us to the Finals. Consolations, yes, but Finals no doubt. I was SO happy...

And then winning!

And then getting a prize for being 3rd top quizzer in Consolation. It's never happened before in all my five years of quizzing. EEEEKKK!!

Then to go home and to see that life is still the same... it's just me that's changed... although temporarily. Sooner or later, I will find myself falling and then clearing away the mist before my eyes to see what truly matters.

Because surrender can never really be complete here on this earth. Just as the trees are shedding their leaves in anticipation for winter, so I shed myself that I may become more like Him. And even as I am dying, He gives me life that may take time to blossom, as do the buds on the trees. And it's a cycle... like everything else. Yet, each time I will recognize my sin more readily, find it just as hard to give up and then breathe even deeper when I do.

It reminds me of Eustace and Aslan in the Dawn Treader of the Narnia Chronicles. Eustace is trying desperately to tear his dragon skin off, but each layer that comes off shows another fresh one underneath. Finally, Aslan steps to his side and says, "Only I can take it off."

From there, he proceeds to gouge his claws in deep and begin the agonizingly painful business of pulling the skin off from the inside.

And I can't do it. Nope. Not a chance...

But He can... if only I surrender.