Safe

I sat there... thinking so many different thoughts. Curled up and held. A ball of warmth surrounded by arms that are strong and able. I fit so well.

He rubbed my back, saying nothing. It's what I love most, actually. The silent communication that we have. That he understands me... my need for silence and safety.

He was gone for a few weeks. And I didn't really miss him, sad to say. It was only when he came back that I realized how much of who I am, past, present, and future is wrapped up inside of him being around.

He's my strong and silent warrior.

We are so much alike. In face and feature, but also in personality and quirks. I'm most unashamedly my father's daughter and very much a daddy's girl.

We had just been scrolling through pictures of Cameroon... people that I knew, people that I had once loved. Still love. But from very far away.

Curled up... thinking. Thinking about how when he was young, he also was torn away from a country that he loved very much... a scenario very much like mine. The only difference: he never got to go back.

And I will.

I felt like crying but didn't want to. It's one the very rare moments in my life when that has happened.

But now I cry.

I have such a deep respect for you, Daddy. One that goes beyond the mere amazing way that you provide for your family in every situation, unprecedented or not. One that has everything to do with how real you are with me and with everyone around you.

The morning you got home, I went into the bathroom, opened up the closet and was never so incredibly happy to see shaving cream in my life.

When you came in and hugged me, I was so full of joy, and a piece of satisfaction that had been jarred by your leaving was somehow put back into place.

Mornings with you are my favourite parts of the day. To see you sitting in your chair... that chair... praying, makes me know that all is right in the world. That my father is in charge, that He is in charge of you and nothing can go wrong.

You care. You love. And you speak my love language. I have never doubted that you love me from the very deepest core of yourself. You show it in everything that you do.

You take time. You ask questions. You honestly care about my day.

You answer questions, go into detail, keep a conversation going, know my thoughts sometimes before I speak them.

I say it every year, I know, but I say it here as well. I am so very, very, VERY thankful that I have a father that allows me to see a glimpse of my true Father. So many girls (nay, children) are deprived of that.

I love you!

From your Christi-Belle

P.S. No, Mom, I didn't forget about you! ;)