Near

Life's been getting the best of me. Like always.

But today, the prayer that I've been praying for awhile now was answered in a way that took my breathe away and left me literally rocking and in tears.

Chapel today was indescribable. Someone who graduated just 5 years ago came and spoke about the reality of God that he had learned from his time in New Zealand with YWAM.

But he also came with a word whispered by the Holy Spirit in the midst of a morning shower... a word about the truth of the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes I think that the Holy Spirit is hush-hushed in our society, pushed to the back because "those crazies" scare people.

Those crazies who not only believe but act on the power of the Holy Spirit. Those who believe that the gifts given by Him are real and alive today.

But this same Holy Spirit is our guarantor of our change in Christ, our seal and promise of a second coming. He is the one who brings insight, who opens up our ears to the small whisper of God's voice speaking truth into our hearts.

And I used to be scared of "those crazies".

It was two summers ago, in a cabin in the middle of summer camp when one night's devotional hit home and we had all formed a circle and one at a time went into the middle to be prayed for, to be held.

And as each brought their requests to the group, as we prayed fervently for wisdom, peace, joy, answers, and even healings, something happened.

The room seemed heavy with a cloaked warmness, as if we were all inside of a big warm blanket. I was sitting down, rocking slightly back and forth, overcome by the euphoria of who God truly is.

Have you ever felt it?

The pure joy of feeling God? The glimpse of His joy, His purpose, His love?

It's happened more than once. But that one night, I realized that I wanted to be one of "those crazies", to realize that there is a truly supernatural realm out there, far beyond what we can see, and that there is a powerful God who is willing to work amazing things and a Spirit that longs to work in each of our lives.

And today, after having survived this week, I was reminded of this.

Of the truth, the power, the need for the Holy Spirit.

And I was overcome. He's so very big and powerful and I'm so very unworthy. He's waiting to do so many spectacular things in, through, and in spite of, me. Me! Little, tiny, insignificant, used-to-be-sinner, me...

Through this, He opened my eyes to see how much influence I truly have on those around me, and how much more I need to use it for His glory and to make an impact.

I can truly say that this year is the first year that I have felt totally comfortable in my own skin. In some ways, I wish that I could relive some former years of school with the confidence that I have now. But it was through those very years of learning that I've come to the place that I am now.

But I have a huge realm of influence, and I need to be more open about the every-day-ness of God. To realize that He calls me to step out and do things that may seem crazy, to pray in the middle of a hallway, or to encourage everyone I see, to step out in faith.

So, if you would.... would you pray for me? I know that it's so easy to say things when you're on a spiritual high, when it seems as if everything's clear. So would you pray that this determination would continue, and that I would begin to seek the Holy Spirit and have Him work in me and through me. To not be afraid.

Would you also pray for this summer: I'm counseling at a wonderful camp for 6 weeks as a Sr. Counselor. And I'm scared stiff. I have the ability to make a huge impact on some girl's lives this summer and I want to start preparing for that now. Correction: He has the ability to have a huge impact on their lives. I just want to be used.

A willing and faithful vessel to my God who is very, very near.