In These Preparations

Just as soon as my floor was beginning to show signs of tidiness, the time for packing for camp arrived.

Tomorrow... tomorrow I'm at Camp. And I'll stay there for five-six weeks. And as I dashed here to there, helter-skelter, while trying to procrastinate, while also trying to get done the random chores that needed to get done before I left, I began to worry.

Being in charge of a cabin of girls different ages throughout the weeks has me scared. I want to make sure that I am adequately prepared. To make sure that I don't forget anything that might or might not be necessary. And so I frantically prepared my checklist, buried my floor in things, and crammed things into my suitcases.

A headache started to develop and as I logged out of FB for probably the fifteenth time today (best place to procrastinate, yes?), I looked out the window.

The sunset caught me by surprise. I hadn't really had time to sit down and pause today, although I did take time to fulfill my Christmas gift to Boo (taking her and a friend out to the Tea House to have tea and dessert) and go on a bike ride with my best friend.

And as I looked out on that sun streaked sky, I realized that in my rush to prepare myself in every way possible, I was missing out on the best preparation possible.... humbleness.

I had pushed aside His will for me in these upcoming wills and imposed my own. My own of impossible strength, wisdom and courage to get me through the tough times. Thinking that just purely by my will, everything will turn out just right and I will become the most successful cabin leader that ever lived.

No.

That is not the way that it should be. At all. What if He chooses to bring me to unsurmountable obstacles in order to break me, mend me and bring me through a better person? What if He puts an impossible camper in my path who causes me to lose my temper and be lost for answers in order to cause me to seek Him more passionately? What if He seems far away and I find myself scrabbling against the seemingly iron walls of feeling Him while I pray? What if?

I don't like feeling weak. And especially after all that's gone on this week with graduation, it's easy to look at myself and say, "Hey. I'm pretty great. I got all these awards. I'm a pretty sweet person, and I should be able to handle any of this pretty easily. This is going to be a breeze."

Guess what's speaking? Pride. That's what.

Instead, my words should be: "Daddy? I don't think that I can do this. But I know that you can. Would you move in me and through me, showing Your glory in what happens in these next few weeks? Help me to be ask weak as possible in order to show Your strength to the fullest. I need You. I can't do it on my own."

Please pray for me. This is going to be a constant struggle.







On another note, I may be able to blog once in awhile at Camp (on weekends), depending on internet availability or time, but don't depend on it. And those of you who just read my blog through FB, I might not be able to/have time to link it, so you can follow through either your Google, Yahoo, Twitter, or e-mail account. {I would also like you to just plain follow me, regardless of my ability to link or not. It's pretty cool to see who all is interested in what goes on in my life. Is it proud to say that I did a little happy dance when I reached double digits? ;)}