Provision

And yet...

When I face my fear one last time, determined to just feel nothing and get it done with... He provides in wondrous ways. It's as if He's been sitting there, going through my fear with me, but all the while knowing what's on the other side. And because of that knowledge, He smiles oh, so gently down at me and gives me enough courage to face it.

He provides in ways that are beyond my comprehension. As I received the thumbs up to go to Colombia, inside of me I was dancing with joy and excitement and my smile just wouldn't stop. But there was that corner of my mind, that niggling, annoying, responsible side, asking me where in the world I was going to get the money. I began to fear once again, even though I knew that He had pulled through many other times in the area of finances.

Then, out of the blue it seemed, I received a phone call. Asking if I would be willing to spend a few hours a week with one of those very close to His heart, all for a larger amount of money then I would have asked for. He provided, showing me that He could prepare me for the trip by testing my patience and creativity, all the while working with my skills and giving me something that I would enjoy. He provides.

Provision given by the chance to go and counsel at Camp for a few weeks this summer. The chance to put myself out there and to learn all that He wants me to. To learn that humility is the best and that I really don't have all the answers, although I think I do.

But, above all, provision because He loves. With a love that when shown has left me gasping, dancing, whirling, wanting to never stop because it's so full of everything that I long for that when I have it, I find it hard to comprehend. A love that He gives freely, and that I don't always want to receive. Sometimes I think I'm good enough, and then He just goes and shows me otherwise.

I don't know what I'm trying to say. Not really. Only that He's so good, it blows my mind! That I will never understand in this life why He chose me and why I go around thinking I have it made and all together. That He is an awesome God... who calls me to be still and come to know Him in all that He is.