In Fantasy

They pull me in a way that other books don't.

Worlds that offer such sweet reprieve when I find that my own is either boring or cresting in a wave that longs to destroy me.

Books that offer me a look at another time and place... one that is not real.

Of future technologies, of characters that climb from the ordinary to the extraordinary.

Of being different... special.

These heroines draw me.... Vin (from Brandon Sanderson's Mistborn trilogy) and Katniss (from Suzanne Collins' Hunger Games trilogy) as well as many others.

Their very indistinctness forged into great strength from pressing circumstances. And yet... that ability was theirs before they knew it.

And as I surface from those worlds and find myself breathing in and out the normal everyday air of normal life, I sometimes regret who I am.

That I do not have those powers. That I do not seem as special as they were. That.... sad as it is to say... I do not suffer as they did, which led to prevailing.

And I wonder what my purpose is... what my divine gifting is that I am specialized to use. What good things He has placed in my life to do.

But as much as I want to seem like the heroine day in and day out... I cannot be.

I am weak, not strong. I am lazy, not purposeful. 

And it doesn't always work, but my mind is drawn to those words that He says.

The ones He whispered to another who felt a need to be perfect in everything, but who needed weakness to keep him humble. 

"Each time he said, 'My grace is all that you need. My power works best in weakness.'" 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NLT)

Yes, I still wish, at times, that I lived in one of the worlds encased by the covers of a book. I still wish to be "special" in that way. But I know that He has made me just the way that He wanted me to be... weaknesses and all.

 And I also know that I have the power within me to be great.

Great not because of what I have done... but because of who He is.