In the Panic

It was just hours after I had arrived home, and I had already unpacked a few souvenirs and momentos and was explaining them, when I got around to my bracelets.

One, with the colours of Colombia, a parting gift from Golden Rule, a school that we taught at for two days, and the other, of green leather, with stamps that resemble hearts.

And as I pulled up my sleeves to display them, my heart leaped.

One was there... the other was not.

The absence of the green bracelet instantly started a search through my suitcase and then through my backpack. Running through my mind was: I took it off at the hotel... in Toronto. What if it's still there? Please, please, please, please, PLEASE let it be here somewhere!

And the panic set in and I searched through my bags again, before my gem of a sister asked me if it might be in my pant's pocket. And it was!

The relief that poured through me as I pulled it out, put it on, and had it tied by someone else felt so sweet.

I had been so afraid that this memory of the trip, the person it represented, the things that it reminded me of, would be gone. Forever.

And I know that many of you are waiting for blog posts about Colombia, and I promise... they are coming.

But my first thoughts as I landed on Canadian soil were: I don't want to forget this... any of it. The amazing lessons God's taught me, the people I met, the places I went, the changes that I need to make personally, etc.

It's only been three days... but it's fading. And I want so much for it to be right here and real to me. I'm panicking that some parts will be lost forever... just like I thought that bracelet would be.

I want so desperately to have every aspect of the trip reflected in my life, but I'm scared that I will fail. Big time.

But at the same time that I feel like dreading, I know that He has accomplished some amazing things in my perspective and views through this trip... and His Word speaks to me, telling me, again and again, that it's not about me at all.

"And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns." Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

Through Him, my life will show changes (as long as I help out!).

Through my weakness, He is strong.

And there is no need to panic anymore.