Broken

After this morning, I find myself wondering… what does it mean to be broken?

Broken as I was, and broken as He was.

Broken as a state of humanity, broken as way to save the nations.

It’s so easy for me to think that I’m not broken. My background, which I’m so thankful for, doesn't lead me immediately to my knees in thankfulness of the grace that He extends.

There are no “big” sins in my past, and yet, in His sight, “all have sinned and all fall short of the glory of God,” and “no one is righteous – not even one… all have turned away; all have become useless. No one does good, not a single one.” (Romans 3:10,12,23)

And I find it hard to think of myself as full of sin, but as I approach the communion table, we’re reminded to come as totally unworthy.

Do I truly understand what that means? Do I understand what my brokenness looks like? My brokenness that caused the grace of God to reach down to those very people who embodied the sin that He abhors.

I once heard this saying:“The only thing that you contribute to your salvation is your sin." And it takes me aback because it's true and at first, I don't want to acknowledge it.

So often, I think that I've been doing pretty good in life. That I don’t need help, that I've got things under control, but as Romans 14:23 says, if we’re not doing something by faith, then we’re sinning.

No matter what we do, whether good or bad, if not done in an attitude of “I’m incapable… only You can do this through me”, is sin. It is sin to not realize that everything that I have is by the grace of God.

The very fact that I woke up this morning, that I’m breathing, that I possess fingers that allow me to type, that I can come into His presence… they’re all by His grace.

Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory… When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (Romans 5:1-2, 6-8)

In order to bring us to this place of peace with Him through faith, He was broken.

Do I understand that brokenness?

The pain that He went through in order to reconcile humanity to Himself, the brokenness for which He thanked the Father for during the Last Supper?

The shredded back, the thorny crown, the nail-pierced hands…

Do I understand all that it took?

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you from the power of sin that leads to death. The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature. So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit. (Romans 8:1-4)

I fear I take His sacrifice too flippantly, coming before His presence as if I have always belonged there, when 

in truth, I am that little bug that He allowed to come in only by His grace.

Do I understand what brokenness in thankfulness looks like? To be so overwhelmed by gratitude that I come, knowing that I am fully unworthy to be before His throne and yet because of His Son’s brokenness, I am called the daughter of a King…

I don't think that I can ever fully understand.... until one day.

{to give credit where it's due, most of these thoughts came from our Chapel speaker this morning, with just a little twist of mine thrown in... :) }