Challenging

Read (if okay with calling down embarrassment upon oneself, read out loud, {don't look around to see who's there... you just did, didn't you?} with dramatic intensity, as if the person you're speaking to [and... you might only want to do this if you're a girl... sorry, guys...] is acting rakishly {*sigh* look it up if you have to} and irresponsibly, and yet you want to pound truth into their heads and hope that someday they understand what you're trying to say):

A Woman’s Question
by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing

Ever made by the hand above –                                       

A woman’s heart, and a woman’s life

And a woman’s wonderful love?

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing

As a child might ask for a toy –

Demanding what others have died to win,

With the reckless dash of a boy?

You have written my lesson of duty out,

Man-like you have questioned me;

Now stand at the bar of my woman’s soul

Until I shall question thee.

                                                                        

You require your mutton shall always be hot,

Your socks and shirts shall be whole;

I require your heart to be true as God’s stars,

And pure as heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef;

I require a far better thing.

A seamstress you’re wanting for stockings and shirts;

I look for a man and a king –

A king for a beautiful realm called home,

And a man that the Maker, God,

Shall look upon as he did the first,

And say, “It is very good.”

I am fair and young, but the rose will fade

From my soft, young cheek one day;

Will you love then, mid the falling leaves,

As you did mid the bloom of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and deep

I may launch my all on its tide?

A loving woman finds heaven or hell

On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things grand and true,

All things a man should be;

If you give all this, I would stake my life

To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot do this – a laundress and cook

You can hire with little to pay;

But a woman’s heart and a woman’s life

Are not to be won this way.

If you read the poem they way you were commanded, I hope you understood the conviction that something like this stirs in me. When I first read this poem, it deeply appealed to my sense of nobility and grandeur. I’m one of those girls who dreams of my own Mr. Darcy and who thinks a perfect day is a day spent wrapped in a blanket with a hot drink nearby while reading a book, or watching something like Anne of Green Gables or Jane Austen movies. I’m a romantic at heart, and I love the thought of being wooed.

And yet, there is so much I look for in a man, and as our teacher pointed out after I recited this poem yesterday in class, I can’t require it. Not many men will measure up to that standard, but there will be some with that depth of character.

But as I started my devotions yesterday, He really hit me with the lopsidedness of what I had been thinking. I am earnestly searching for this kind of man, and yet what kind of woman am I?

And I wrote in my journal:

Am I that same kind of woman as the man that I assume to look for? A woman who is full of grace and wisdom, who trusts in her Father to provide, who is chock-full of character? As much as I look for a man of integrity, compassion, honesty, depth of character and focus on You, I should doubly strive to be that woman that is fit for that man.

Those thoughts led me to immediately think of a certain psalm that I think we all know (hint: think Mother’s day literature) describing “the perfect woman.” And as I read through it, the list of characteristics grew. Virtuous, capable, trustworthy, enriching to her husband, business savvy, hardworking, compassionate, well prepared, resourceful, respected, strong, dignified, wise, kind, soul-beautiful, and most of all, possessing a fear of the Lord.

And you know what? That kind of woman described there is *just* the kind of woman that this kind of man would be interested in. But at the same time as I feel that this list in insurmountable, He shows me the ways that He’s been working on me and reminds me of the fact that He’s not done yet.

After reading that, though, the biggest thing that stuck out to me was that it was all about the heart. And that’s one of the biggest things that I’ve been learning here at Millar – that actions mean nothing if your heart is not in the right place. EVERYTHING starts with the heart. If my heart is not in the right place, if my motives are skewed, and if my mind is centered on anything except giving glory to Him, then I’m going about life all wrong.

So, the most important attribute above? Fearing the Lord. It’s the beginning of knowledge (as Proverbs 1:7 states) and it’s when I’m focused on Him that my life begins to show these characteristics. And I cannot do it on my own. But coming before Him, opening up my life, and letting Him chisel away, although it hurts, only helps in the end.

Someday, I hope that I find that man that I am looking for, and I hope that I am just the woman that he’s been looking for.

Until then, I’ll work on my heart.