In His Gifts

I woke up this morning, peeling open eyelids wanting desperately to shut, starting the conversation that I've had a million times before, inside of my head.

"Would you mind if I slept in, Father? Just today. I need an extra half-an-hour. I could maybe squeeze you in at such-and-such a time. What do you say?"

But even while all of this is running through my head, I know that I should be doing the hard thing and waking up and meeting with Him, because how close I am to Him depends on me... not Him.

It depends on the amount of time I am willing to spend getting to know the Creator who formed me beautifully and for His purposes.

And as I lay there this morning, having this silent conversation, I heard noises outside.

I got up by instinct, found nothing, and went into the bathroom to wash my face and put my contacts.

While I was doing so, my sleepiness was heavy on me, but all of a sudden this well of joy washed over me.

And I breathed in, and breathed out, and it washed over and over and over me.

I almost didn't want to move, but to live in the moment of joy, of connection..... of feeling.

It was there, at my lowest, that He showed me His unfathomable, undeniable, unforgettable joy.

* * * * *

I opened the door and motioned the teacher over. Hoping not to sound too desperate, I asked, "Is there any physical way that I could get an extension on this project?"

I was so tired, I had it kinda-not-really done (in case he said no), and I was feeling no competence on any level, much less genius.

And as I tried to list off my litany of woes without whining, but to prove my point, I was so relieved when he answered, "Yes." 

Now to get it done...

* * * * *

We walked home from the Global Connections service tonight, my little Boo and I. The only ones left in the house, it had taken some persuading, dragging, and use of authority, to get her to go, but she had gone.

And as we walked home, we jumped played the "lava lines" game (in which, if you are so ignorant as to not know the rules, you start with 15 to whatever-amount-you-want-to-make of lives, and then die successive deaths when you step on the sidewalk cracks or puddles). 

We pulled each other into puddles, jumped lines, skipped down the sidewalk, and laughed.

Her laughter is an amazing thing, this one that looks so much like me. And as I start a week where I am often placed in a position of authority, it's a nice reminder that laughter and enjoyment need to be part of everyday life, instead of only rules and regulations.

And He showed me the gift of life today. The gift of feeling in every moment, of breathing in and breathing out... and being.