In These Moments

I've been so busy recently, fulfilling one thing after another, stretching myself thin.

The fog of half-awake hangs before my eyes and I find myself longing...

Longing to stop, look around.... to feel.

Life loves to make me think that I have to be the best at everything I do, and it really isn't true.

But I still believe it.

And as things to get done, people to see, schedules to coordinate, etc. whirl around my head,

I want to push it all aside for a moment, to stop, and just.... be.

Coming back from Colombia, one thing that I had purposed to do, was to do willingly that which is hard and tough.

To make my life disciplined in the small ways so that when He's ready to hand me something bigger, I'll be ready.

There are so many hard things, from getting in a shower early in the morning and waking up at the same time every morning in order to make devotions a habit, to reminding myself of what's really important in every day.

But I fail. I fall. Inevitably, I crumble.

And it's during these moments, that He has me reading Genesis12-26.

These chapters that speak of a man  who was counted as righteous because of his faith, and yet...

Yet, when he visits Egypt, his fear of the Egyptian's lust (and his doubt of God's power), causes him to pass his wife off as his sister.

8 chapters later, guess what?

He does the same thing to Abimelech, the king of Gerar.

Not only that, but guess what Isaac does when faced with the same man, and also having a beautiful wife?

THE SAME THING.

You would have thought that they would have learned their lessons, but apparently not.

And as I think these things, they roost in my heart.

Because I am just as guilty of doing easy things over and over and over and over and over and over and over (Ok, I think you get the idea)... again.

I do realize that He does call us to relax and to take a break,  but this is different.

This is turning away from what I know is right and deliberately doing what is wrong, just because it's easier.

It encourages me, though, to remember that Abraham, a man of faith, failed in similar ways to me.

What encourages me even more, though, is the God who was allowing these things, giving second chances, letting him learn a lesson, bringing him back to repentance each time.

The God who gives me second chances.

And I want to use them wisely.

The stress is pushing in, and I need to re-evaluate my priorities and more burdens are added to my shoulders.

I want to enjoy these moments, so savor them, to learn all that He has for me, to enjoy Him.

{all written when I really should've been in bed)