In the Letting Go

School is looming, and I keep chipping away at it block by block.

But as I scramble to catch up, my grades are anything but desirable, and I struggle with old habits.

Habits of letting my grades define me, because that is one area in which I can be someone... where I am known.

And it's hard to let go of that and say to Him, "If you want that...  You can have it. All of it. I'll let it go."

But there's a balance between letting go and trying my best.

For so long, school has been about excelling, about impressing others, about feeling self worth in something that I'm actually good at.

Now He calls me to seek out the people, to encourage those who need it, to reach out and start up friendships, to make a change in my attitude towards people.

And that means letting grades take the backburner.

It's hard to find my self worth in Him... although I know that I am created beautiful and gifted in His sight, but sometimes that sits in my head, but is never absorbed into my heart.

Even before heading off to Colombia, I knew that this was a problem for me.

But while there, I saw and met so many people who had followed God's passion for their lives, having given up everything that they thought was important just to find that God's plan was so much better.

Once again... I know this to be true, but it's so hard to put into practice.

I want to grab hold of what He has in my future with all of my strength and to let Him guide my every step.

It's so hard to let go.... even knowing the truth of who He is.