But as I sat on my bed, surrounded by cards, and addressed thank you cards, I was struck again with how much I have been blessed. Although many cards had something encouraging in them about my personality, etc. I was overwhelmed.
Since when have I been counted worthy to be anything at all, to be used by Him? It surely wasn't my doing that I may have all these characteristic attributed to me. Rather, He chose to take one little life, to touch a young girl in the middle of the Cameroonian jungle and cause her to grow up in His ways. I had nothing to do with it.
The same feeling came over me as I was writing up my Camp synopsis for this year. So many incredible things happened in those 5 short (and yet long) weeks that it was crazy to look at my fears beforehand and see how God had transformed them into something that He used in an amazing way.
I was reading this morning, my daily chapter of Louie Giglio's i am not but i know I AM, and this whole concept hit me right in the face. Isn't it slightly awesome that hindsight is 20/20? All of my life, although not by any means complete yet, has led me up to this moment and looking back, I can start to see what He's been doing through some of the biggest moments in my life.
The whole premise of this book is that this is the story of God, not ours. We're not centerstage, rather we are playing supporting parts to a bigger story... His story.
This chapter deals with Moses, and while I shouldn't write out the whole chapter, I'm going to quote large portions of it {just go out and get the book already! I got it from the local library, but I'm definitely considering buying it simply because I want to highlight/mark it up}
"While as humans we try to partner with the brightest and most powerful, God is simply looking for people who are willing to take Him at His word -- those confident that with Him in the equation everything is possible."
Although God had an incredible plan for the man who was going to lead His people to freedom, He chose Moses. A stuttering, aging man who was not on great terms with Pharaoh to start with. A bush burst into fire and my quotes begin again.
"Now that He had Moses' undivided attention, God laid out His plan. 'I have indeed seen the misery of My people in Egypt. I have heart them crying out because of their slave drivers and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them and bring them into a good and spacious land. The cry of the Israelites has reached Me and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them.'
Did you notice all the first-person pronouns God is using to state His case? I have seen. I have heard. I'm concerned. I'm coming down. I'm going to do something.
God's mind was set. His plan was in motion. Failure was not an option. No insurmountable obstacle stood in His way. God had sized up Pharaoh, a man of unrivaled political and military power, and decided to use him as a pawn in His story. The redemption mission would go on as scheduled, Pharaoh's army not withstanding, and a couple million people would journey through an arid desert wasteland to safely arrive in the land long ago promised to their forefathers. Mark it down. It was going to happen. God was confident that the Promised Land -- the place He had chosen for Israel to dwell -- was suitably perfect, even if it was presently inhabited by skilled warriors defending cities whose fortressed walls would intimidate any man. (see the formidable list of 'ites' in Exodus 3:8b). God wasn't deterred and He didn't need any assistance. But He had chosen to use a man, a human mouthpiece -- someone who would carry His message and lead His cause. That's when, for Moses, the conversation took an ominous turn."
Here's where God tells Moses that He's chosen him to set His people free.
"Confused and overwhelmed, Moses blurts out, 'Who am I, that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?'
I think what was going through Moses' mind were the same kind of thoughts that have raced through yours and mine when we're called by God to do something that seems way beyond our abilities. God, are you serious? Is this a joke? Have You mistaken me for someone else? Surely You don't think I can pull this off do You? Who, me? Do what?"
Skip a bit...
"When God said 'You go,' He was implying: 'I am going to do this with or without you, Moses, but I've been searching for just the right partner, a regular guy who will believe that I am able to do exactly what I have said I will do. You just need to merge onto the highway of My agenda -- My promised before, now happening, already in motion agenda -- and watch Me go. Don't deviate from what I am saying. Trust Me. Follow Me without fear of any man. This is going to be amazing. Oh, and by the way, I could do it all by Myself, but I'm choosing to use a human vessel -- a tangible, flesh and blood ambassador for the cause. And I am choosing you, Moses. So now you go!"
Re-read that. Put your name in it.
Amazing, isn't it? And it doesn't just apply to one "mission". It applies to life.
Once again, a *blog post* by my friend offered up a phrase that made me stop and think:
"In John 3:30, John the Baptist says, "He must become greater; I must become less."
This is the crux of Christianity. It is not some religion with a list of "do's and don'ts", rather it is an emptying of oneself to make room for the Perfect One. What an honour to be the suit of clothes that is worn by Jesus Christ."
Crazy, isn't it? That's all we are. But even if that's all we are... what an honour. What a privilege.
So back to Moses. With all the fear and trembling that a man would posses when faced with the prospect of filling the shoes of "human vessel for God," he asks, "How?"
"Interestingly, God didn't respond with a pep talk... Instead, God answers Moses' 'Who am I?' question with five life-shifting words as He simply affirms, 'I will be with you.'
When God invites us into His story, assigning us various roles that are seemingly too big for us to carry out, His affirmation will always be the same -- I will be with you. It's as if He was saying to Moses, 'Don't worry about who you are, just focus on the realty that I'm going, too. And if I go with you, trust Me, everything's going to work out find.' "
Then, Moses asks another question. One more daring, deep and risky than almost anything else he could've done. He asks, "Who are you?"
"Can you believe it? Moses is asking the God of all Creation to tell him His name.
It's important to grasp the gravity of the situation. Of course, God already knew Moses's name (He had repeatedly called him by his first name at the outset of this exchange). But Moses didn't know His. Since the dawn of time, God had been referred to as Yahweh, meaning Most High God -- a name so revered by the generations preceding Moses, they rarely wrote it out in full (choosing instead to abbreviate it).
But that revered title was really more a description than a personal name. No one knew God's personal name. And, as far as we know, no one had dared to ask.
You have to understand, it's not as though God was just a little higher and a little more holy than Moses, someone you'd just stroll up to and say, 'Hey man, what's up?' No, we're talking about the Infinite One -- the One whose voice alone causes worlds to be born and grown men to hid their faces -- having a conversation with a little, frail, finite creature. A creature who wants to know if he can call almighty God by his name.
God was in no way obligated to answer, yet without hesitation, He did. To this aging shepherd, God revealed His name, saying: 'I AM who I AM. Tell them I AM sent you.' "
Skip a bit...
"In English the name I AM translates into the verb 'to be.' Or simply 'be.'
Therefore God's name is 'Be.' I AM = I BE. Not great grammar I know, but great theology.
God knew it was imperative for Moses to know who He was -- that He was I AM. I AM is the present tense, active form of the verb 'to be.' As God's name, it declares that he is unchanging, constant, unending, always present, always God.
God was telling Moses:
I AM the center of everything.
I AM running the show.
I AM the same every day, forever.
I AM the owner of everything.
I AM the Lord.
I AM the Creator and Sustainer of life.
I AM the Saviour.
I AM more than enough.
I AM inexhaustible and immeasurable.
I AM God.
In a heartbeat, Moses knew God's name -- and something more. He finally knew his. For if God's name is I AM, Moses' name must be 'I am not.'
I am not the center of everything.
I am not in control.
I am not the solution
I am not all-powerful.
I am not calling the shots.
I am not the owner of anything.
I am not the Lord.
That's my name, too. And yours. 'I am not.' Just try it under your breath, 'My name is I am not.' "
Go through the 'I am not' list, saying each out loud. Crazy powerful, huh?
"Sure people might call you Tommy or Eddie or Amanda or Juan or Michelle or Erin or Michael. But, let's face it, when you get right down to it all of our names are 'I am not.'
And God's name is still I AM.
While Moses was still reeling, God continued, 'This is my name forever, the name by which I am to be remembered from generation to generation' (Exodus 3:15). In other words, God wanted Moses to know that not only would He remain the same, His name would endure to every generation that would inhabit the earth -- even to our generations, yours and mine.
I love this verse, because it puts us into the story. Oh, you may have just been calling Him God all these years -- and, in fact, that's who He is. But He gladly told Moses His name is I AM [BE] and that's still His name today. Right now. Wherever and whoever you are.
God is big. We are not. He is calling the shots, directing the script, and determining the plot. We are not. And, what's really wild is that while He doesn't need any of us, He is choosing to include us, inviting us into the story that never ends.
Try to fathom it -- little you and me invited into the massive and mysterious story of the great I AM.
Are you up for it?"
And that's why as I look back on high school and all the years that have lead up to today, the shivers run up and down my back.
It's all about Him. And I am incredibly blessed to have been asked to be a part of His story. And He's done amazing things in my life that I can in no way be credited with. He takes center stage. I am nothing.
And that feeling of thankfulness and that blessed peace about my future that sprung out of my heart come from two things:
1. I am not.
2. He is I AM.
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