In the Changing of the Seasons

I walked slowly, feeling the crisp autumn breeze on my sweater-less skin, hyptonized by the crisp whisperings of the leaves beneath my feet.

It's snuck up on me, that fall is here. And as I walked downtown that afternoon, I realized that more than just a season has changed for me.

A season of life has come and gone. I'm a college kid now and even being at home doesn't mean what it used to. I'm so glad that I can slip back into the family and feel comfortable but I'm not as involved in their lives anymore.

It's dying to a certain season, and yet the birth of another. I'm so glad that I came back this weekend, because since the moment college started until now, I've felt as if I had pushed a "pause" button on my family life. As if they were on hold while I experienced something new that they didn't have a part in.

Only now am I starting to realize that I'm away from them for a whole year, instead of it just feeling like a youth retreat or camp. This is permanent, and my relationship with my family will never be the same.

At the same time, they're still my family and I will fight hard against anything that wants to tear us apart. Coming home for the weekend helped me realize that I need to take a more proactive stance on Skyping them or even just taking time to wonder how life's going on this end of things.

They don't understand my life as well as they used to. I have to explain friends and events, college life that they don't see everyday. At the same time, I'm not involved in the stuff they do around here.

But nothing can change that this is home.

As we drove into town late last night, that feeling of comfort as I recognized landmarks and knew my way around was so nice. This is *my* town. And there are so many things that make it home.

Things like talking to my mom and J until late at night about life and saying, after seeing my dad's gaze wander to my backpack, "Take a look at my textbooks... I know you want to."

Things like crawling into my old bed and falling asleep remembering life lived in that room.

Things like hearing the door creak open in the morning and little girl whispers outside, then a little warm body pouncing on top of me as my 9 year-old Boo crawls on top of me. Lifting up the corner of the sheets with my eyes still glued shut, she slips inside and we talk, all cuddled up, about life.

Things like having J show me her choir songs and having my little brother show off his skills on his tenor horn.

Things like going for a walk downtown and enjoying the day, entering *my* bank and then heading across the street to say "Hi" to a family that misses me and ending up chatting for an hour as their daughter plays peekaboo with me and the conversation ranges from pregnancy to church to college to business.

Things like going to Boo's friend's fundraiser bake sale, and having her hug me as I pick out a cinnamon bun and pay for it, realizing that too often I am ashamed to put myself out there for causes such as this but she is right out there, running along the highway with a sign, raising money for water filters in Cambodia. Feeling proud.

Things like seeing my little brother play Minecraft, hugging my dad good morning, seeing my mom biking around town.

Things like seeing J working with my Monkey and hiding behind trees as they go by on that big red bike, not wanting her to see me and get distracted.

Things like watching the news while eating lunch, and the fact that my mom cracks open a bag of tortilla chips, knowing that they are my one big weakness.

Things like biking around town with my best friend, racing each other to hit the crispiest leaf piles, then heading to Macs to grab slushies, and then watching two episodes of MacGyver.

Things like constructing the Ikea island for our kitchen with the entire family (my best friend's included in my definition of family) and stealing tools from each other.

Things like having my Grandma's birthday celebration moved up a day just because I was home and watching my younger siblings banter over the "treasure" cake and how much money each got in their pieces (and strategizing what pieces they should choose next in order to ensure more booty).

Things like my mom letting Boo stay up late in order to spend some time with me browsing ridiculous Youtube videos.

Things like eating homemade baked oatmeal again, and watching everyone head off to church.

Things that being home mean.