Pursuing

There is still one more post to come in the prayer days for Colombia, but there is something more important to write about at a time like this, and so that will continue to be procrastinated.

I went around my room picking up all my clothing scattered on the floor, putting away hair products, and replacing Bibles and books. 

And it struck me.... the messiness of my room perfectly reflects the state of my soul these days.

It's so easy to get caught up in the community here. Even the academic competitor that I am, I put off homework to hang out with friends, and that's been great. 

But it's so easy to make my focus about other things rather than the only reason that I just breathed in that breath that I used to give energy to my fingers to type this sentence. Him. 

Then again, He`s pursuing.

Last Sunday, we had a worship night here on campus and there was a moment, have you ever had it?, when with your eyes closed and arms up in praise, there seems to be this rubbing of your soul with the glory of God and you're overwhelmed because of all that you're not and all that He is. And it leaves you gasping, and smiling a smile a mile wide while rolling in the glorious feeling of closeness and it hits you that this is not even a smidge of all that He is. 

And that glorious moment of praise really confirmed to me that this is the place where I am supposed to be. I've learned a lot this past week, the biggest thing that reality of Jesus in every section of the Bible and the grand story behind it all, and it has given me a renewed hunger for reading this Book of all books.

At the same time, we are required to read 6 specified books before the 20th and it finds me reading through the chapters as rote, grasping the bigger story and yet most of the time just passing each chapter as a milestone to the assignment.

Tonight, we had a prayer meeting on campus. It was held in one of the staff member's homes, and wasn't required, but ended up being packed. The feeling of being surrounded by people with a similar intent was amazing, but it was as we started praying and were brought back to one point that I found myself being overwhelmed by this pursuing King of all kings once again. 

We were challenged by the leader about the desperation of seeking God with every breath.

I have let the mundane overcome me, lost and blind to the passion of the One who calls me. 

Lost my focus of why I am here and let it become the people, assignments, convenience, anything but Him.

Although I do meet with Him during the weeks, weekends are the bane of my devotional life, and I realized that I had become stuck in my all too familiar rut of forgetting Him on the weekends. Which is silly because it's the one time that I have time to do things like spend longer on devotions, etc. but it's often because I sleep in and don't get up at my set aside time for devotions during the week. 

I had lost my hunger to know this amazing Father who deigned to stoop low and to pick up one which contains so much sin, but has become covered with the blood of His Son. 

And as we prayed and as I felt the passion in others' voices and felt challenged in my relationship with Him and how dry I have often allowed my conversations to become, and although I acknowledge that a relationship is a steady process, it should still be underlined with my urgency to be hungry for Him.

To realize that I am nothing but hungry, broken, empty, and full of sin. 

To realize that He is everything, including satisfying, healing, and holy. 

Once we were done and we had laid down our requests before Him, I headed back to the dorms, grabbed a sweater, changed into pants and grabbed my Bible and Zune and head out to the trampoline behind the girl's dorm. 

And as I sat there, watching the slowly fading sky, I surrendered again. I don't want this year to be about friendships, valuable as they may be, or about academics, no matter what I may learn... it has one purpose: Him. 

It's so easy for met to set up other priorities and idols. And as I poured out myself, He met me with a calling of "Peace, child." and the sense that He was everything that I needed. I came hungry and He filled. And I worshiped. 

And by the time I'm writing this, the feelings have already faded. But my God is so much more than feelings... He is the living and never changing, always constant lover of my soul. 

And He is pursuing me... and I want to be found, and to find.