Promise

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, calming myself as her eyes strayed to the house. The house... the one that has instigated so very many battles between me and her. All because of her longing for "kisses", little pen marks on her hands given by those she loves. Now, the very first time she approached this house, I had no clue was what going on. She wandered purposefully up the porch and knocked in her own way on the front door. After awhile, she started pulling at the screen door and started entering. Now, even I, who knew nothing about her connection to this house, knew that that was not appropriate. I gently nudged her back outside as her eyes wandered, searching for something.

And that something came. In the shape of an elderly man, one who actually goes to my church. He spoke easily with her and had already brought a pen, showing just how well he knew her. She got her mark, gave a few hugs, and several minutes later, we were back walking down the sidewalk. The one aspect of this job that has really challenged me has been the open in-your-face attitude that I have to either explain/condone or attempt to get her to cease... neither of which necessarily always works.

So as her eyes wandered and she started making her sign for wanting more "kisses" or "stamps", I was already gearing up for battle. We had gone through it a few days before. I had followed her, always staying on the side of her that was closest to the house so as to create a physical barrier. Yes, it was partly selfish, and yet it was not. I didn't want the trouble of having to facilitate another meeting and dragging her away at the end, but I also didn't want to presume upon that sweet old man. But really, the defining thought in my mind was that she had to obey me as her authority and now was just as good a time to stress that as any other. So we fought... fought for what must've been almost half an hour or more.

She moved closer, I followed her, blocking her way, all the while talking and trying to dissuade her. Of course, all she could think about was getting that stamp and meeting someone she knew very well. So she constantly made the sign and then iced the performance off with a series of pleases, also signed. I was thankful that she was being polite and I acknowledged that, letting her know that I understood, but my answer was still no and it wasn't about to change. She sat down, pouting... then got back up and tried again. She walked down the sidewalk and then tried to deviate to get back again.

But at the end... I won. She was sullen, but eventually I lured her away with words of other people to be met on Main Street, or activities to be pursued in her own home. Is that fair? Yes, I know that she has a lower intelligence, is easily swayed, has to constantly reminded and thinks through things in a young and childish way. But, just like a child has to learn how to obey and also to understand why they don't get what they want, she had to understand, in whatever limited capacity, that not getting her way is sometimes for the greater good.

All of that leads to today. Wow.. I am long winded! Anyway... we had just exited the place of her employment, and her house was in sight down the sidewalk. But in between was the house and I dreaded another fight. Because I can be strong... but I don't want to be. I didn't want to injure the relationship for the rest of the day and do things that I would regret later on. So I spoke to her slowly and softly: "I know that you want to go get a stamp, but how about not today? Let's let him rest and come back some other time. What if  he's having a nap? Right now we're headed to your house to get you some nice snack. Then we can decide what to do then..." This lured her, but not quite enough... and then it led me into saying something... a promise. "Not today... but the next day that I come over, then we can go over to his house, okay? Next time.. not today, I promise that we will go over and get a stamp."

This seemed to satiate her and we headed to her house. Later on during the few hours I was with her, she tried to get us out of the house just so that she could go get that one stamp. Every time, I asked her,"Did you forget the promise I made? Do you remember?" It would take her awhile, but then her eyes would light up with understanding and she would sign an emphatic "yes" back to me, and continue on with whatever activity she was doing. I'm so glad that she is growing to trust me. And I hope that as I fulfill this promise, her trust will grow even greater.

As I sat there, reminding her constantly, another picture arose.... one of myself. Me.... and the Father. The one that I am to obey, even when I long for something that may be good, but just isn't on His agenda for me.I turn my eyes to this thing that seems overwhelmingly enticing, and as I walk toward it, He places a physical barrier that tells me "no." But I only try harder... I try and explain my way around it... I ask for it in the nicest way possible... I say, "Oh, but then I will do this and this and this for You..." But He doesn't buy it. He knows so much better and I am only a child.

Finally, I rest. I continue on in His plan, but then when I am in valleys, in rough spots, or filled with temptation... that thing comes back to me and I immediately start planning how to pursue it. It's then that He turns in His voice to me and says, "Are you forgetting My promise? Don't you remember?" It takes me awhile, but then I do remember. And when I do, I understand and go back to obeying.

It's been this way with multiple things in my life, but the biggest would probably be returning to Cameroon. My dad is there right now, and I honestly wish that I could've gone with him. Yes, I have a life here... but that place has the other half of my heart beating it there... calling me. And it's not a bad thing. Yet... at this time, it's not good... not yet, anyways. So I must wait, even when I am so thirsty for the sight of that place... wait until His promise comes. Because it will. For He is trustworthy... and in waiting for His promise, my trust grows even greater.