Race

I can't believe that it's done. All my training for the team triathlon was put to use in one day, and not necessarily along with the satisfactory results I had hoped for. For those of you who know me, I tend to beat myself up a lot. For failing to meet the expectations that I set up for myself... even if they are unattainable.

There were a lot more hills than I had anticipated, and halfway seemed to take its own sweet time getting there. I almost took a detour to Jasper during part of it. But because the biking course was so far removed from the general gym where the triathlon was taking place, it was easy for me to zone out and to think that this was just another training bike ride. Which it wasn't... by any stretch of the imagination. As biker by biker announced their passing and then did so, it was easy to become discouraged. This wasn't the glorious thing that I had imagined it to be... my team mates were far away and I felt like I was doing this without any preparation before hand. It didn't help that I had never set eyes on the course before.

As I turned around and headed back, it was easier to coast, to let my muscles rest. Even though I knew that the Velcro band around my ankle was timing me, it was easy to be disillusioned by what seemed to be, instead of what really was. I was jealous... envious of those whose calves where easily twice the size of mine... and yet, I couldn't (or wouldn't) push myself harder. It's hard to know what could've been because it's in the past, but I feel as if I could've done so much better. Yet, we ended happily. We smiled and laughed and took many pictures in order to get the "right" ones. We had fun... that's what it was all about... right?

I have to remind myself to take things lightly. Especially things like this. New things that I didn't know what to expect of myself. So I lowered my expectations... as well as raising them. Lowering them for others... raising them for myself. Why? Because I'm still learning... learning that it's not all about me at all.

All this training up to the race taught me some valuable lessons. I learned some things about *hills*, most of all. But as the race got nearer and nearer, my training began to lag. I just didn't feel like going out and biking 20 km just because the day was steadily drawing nearer. I was tired, I was fatigued, and school had started. But as I was biking the real race that day, I sure wished that I had practiced a little more. That I had smoothed out my mount and dismount. That I had been eager and excited to be the best that I could be.

Does this sound familiar? Sometimes I can't help wondering how near a different, more real race day is. That day when all will end, and the final "race" will have, in a way, begun. When all my actions will have to accounted for, all my words, all my time, everything that He ever gave me. Am I training for that race even as hard as I trained for this past one?

 "Physical training is good, but training for godliness is much better, promising benefits in this life and in the life to come." 1 Timothy 4:8 (NLT)

I tried to incorporate the two. For example, Psalm 1 and 1 Corinthians 13 may sound like chapters to you, but to me, they are hills. Rather, they are the things that I could concentrate on reciting to get me over the hills... even if I absorbed nothing from them at times. But in my everyday life, am I practicing, am I realizing how real that day really is?

"Don't you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win!" 1 Corinthians 9:24 (NLT)

I am sad that this race is over... however I am not going to miss sore muscles, cramped time schedules, and wind that changes directions exactly as I reach half way and turn around.

But in no way am I done training.