Down

I've been feeling down a lot recently... not really depressed, but not really smiling or laughing a lot. Maybe because it hurts to move my mouth... just maybe.

I haven't really participated in a lot of activities, I find myself automatically disengaging and finding corners to sit in and people watch. Generally, it kind of looks like when I'm sad. I'm not...I'm just not happy.

But then I had to slap myself in the face. I was the only one who was making myself miserable. Me! No one else was... here I was having my own private pity-party, feeling selfish and wishing myself back to bracelessness.

I was lounging around all of today, not really doing anything in particular, feeling slow and painful. At the end of the day, I looked back and realized that I had accomplished nothing. Absolutely nothing! I could choose to be happy and purposeful and actually get things done... or else look back on today and wonder what I could've accomplished if I had broken out of my pain stupor.

I'm not up to my normal par. I'm just thankful that I finished my English assignments before the pain set in. Ok... it's really not that bad. But I feel as if a new dimension has been added to me and I don't know what to do with it.

The following days will be filled with ups and downs... but I can determine how I face them.